Bitches Gone Bible Pt. 02

Moses arrived back at his desk about two hours after his lunch break was meant to end. He pleaded an unexpected family emergency and tried to tune back into the drudgery of his job. Given what he'd just seen and experienced, it wasn't easy.

His phone pinged with a message from unknown number. "Hey, Old Testament dude. Glad you enjoyed your lunch break today. I'm sorry about my roommate. She's real a squirter, isn't she? You wouldn't want her around during forty days and nights of rain, trust me! Fuck, sorry, that's Noah, not you, right? Anyway, I wanted to send you my number, 'cause I thought maybe we could meet up for coffee some time. If you wanted to, that is. Your cock is nice. I hope this isn't too forward of me, but here's a pic of my pussy."

Seconds later, an image of Jenna's moneymaker landed on Moses's phone. Her dainty fingers pulled her pink lips apart.

His mouth watered. He ran straight to the bathroom. He locked himself inside a cubicle and painted pearly white streaks across the back of the door.

He made sure to save Jenna's number in his contacts.

*

Roxy picked herself up off the floor and took a long shower. She emerged to find Jenna tidying up the living area. Two large beach towels were spread on the tiled floor, soaking up the mess. "I'm really sorry about that, babe," she said.

"If you're really sorry," Jenna smiled, "make me a cup of herbal tea?" She headed to the bathroom to clean and dry the dildo.

"I'll make two. I think I need to replenish my liquids." Roxy went to the kitchen to boil some water. She reached into the cupboard and retrieved two large mugs. Adding a teabag to each, she poured the water, watching the steam billow and rise. She gave each bag a light jiggle and handed a mug to her roommate.

"Thanks, babe," said Jenna. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah. That was awesome. I feel so relaxed." Roxy ran her fingers through her shoulder-length red hair.

They sat on their brand new couch. Their old one was taken away and destroyed after Hurricane Roxy flooded it. They couldn't get the smell out.

"We got some good material for the next episode of BGB today," offered Roxy.

"Yeah, I think so too." Jenna paused for a second, sipping her tea. "Can't believe we found a dude called Moses, though."

"Yeah," agreed Roxy, "that was weird. But I'm so glad we did."

"I know," Jenna nodded. "And after what he said, you can take it up the butt again. Just as long as it's not a real dick, that is."

They sat quietly for a few moments.

"Hey, babe," asked Jenna, "I'm just wondering... what did you think of him?"

Roxy raised her eyebrows. "Of Moses?"

"Yeah. What did you think of him?"

"He's cute," assessed Roxy. "Short black hair, dark eyes, nice tan, a hint of stubble on his chin, seems intelligent. Looks like he works out and takes care of himself. Wonder if he's got any tatts or piercings? I couldn't really tell because of his leather jacket."

"I thought he was cute too," Jenna agreed. "And his dick wasn't too bad, either." She paused for a second. "At least we know his cock isn't pierced."

Roxy grinned. "You sneaky bitch. You're into him, aren't you?"

"Maybe," Jenna replied bashfully. "I got his number, and after he left I texted him, seeing if maybe he wanted to get coffee some time."

"You asked him out? Wow."

"Yeah, I did." Jenna paused for a second. "And then I sent him a picture of my puss."

Roxy laughed. "He's probably having a heart attack. Right now, he's being wheeled into North Shore Medical on a gurney."

Jenna wondered whether she'd made the right decision.

"You don't know the power of your own snatch, babe," smiled Roxy.

"Do you think I was too forward?"

"You mean, by sending him a pic of your cunt? Maybe. I mean, if you like him, you probably don't want him to think of you as a whore."

"I did porn, bitch," Jenna volleyed, "and I'm pretty sure he knows. He's probably gonna think I'm a whore whether I sent the pic or not. Besides, I haven't heard back from him. He hasn't replied. Maybe you're right. Maybe it was too much."

Roxy smiled. "Maybe. Or, like I said, maybe he's in hospital. He might even be dead. And even if he isn't, it's probably hard sending text messages when you're getting CPR."

"Bitch, shut the fuck up," laughed Jenna, draining the rest of her tea. "I'm going out for a walk. Need some fresh air. Come with?"

"Sure," Roxy grinned. "Let me put my sneakers on."

*

Moses worked an extra hour that afternoon, to make up for some lost time. He texted his best mate just as he was logging off. 'Hey u busy after work? Need 2 talk to u bout something important'

His friend replied. 'whats up dude'

'Meet me at Gramps at 7'

'ok nw'

Moses rocked up at Gramps, a trendy bar in the northwest part of Miami. It had a dark, seedy quality to it, but the staff were friendly, there were plenty of craft beers on tap, it had a million pool tables, and the food was awesome. His buddy was already there. "Hey, dude," he said, walking over.

"Hey Mose," replied Kane. "What's up, my bruh?" He stood up and they hugged. As they sat back down, he turned his ball cap around so the peak faced the back.

Kane was born on a military base in Guam to an American father and a Chinese mother. They moved to Florida when he was about six. He was a little on the short side and he didn't have a particularly big dick, but girls were seriously into him because he was confident, funny, and he made them laugh.

"You're not gonna believe the day I just had," said an excitable Moses. "I need to tell someone."

"Wait," suggested Kane, "let's get some beers first. And maybe some pizza slices. I'm hungry." A waitress came over and Kane placed an order for two local IPAs and a couple of slices of pepperoni each.

"OK, here goes. So I'm on lunch today, minding my own business. I'm heading back to the office and I get waylaid by these two chicks who said they were shooting a documentary. I recognised them immediately. They're pornstars. Or ex, I haven't quite worked that part out yet."

"Wait, wait, wait," Kane interrupted. "Pornstars? Would I know them?"

"Probably," said Kane. "One's called Roxy. She's got red hair, maybe down to her shoulders. Huge tits, they look natural. Tattoos up and down her left arm."

"Blue eyes?" Kane quizzed. "Septum piercing? Freckles? Loves it in the ass?"

"Yeah, that's her," deadpanned Moses. He stroked his goatee.

"Wow. You met her? She's fucking hot," declared Kane. "Can I be straight with you? I'm so into freckles you wouldn't believe. I think I'm developing a fetish."

"And the other one's called Jenna," Moses continued. "Long blonde hair, and again, huge natural titties, pierced nipples, and oddly for someone in porn, I don't think she has any tattoos."

"Yeah, I think I know who you might mean," said Kane, lifting his beer glass. "So anyway, tell me your story."

"OK, so like I said, I'm heading back to work when they grab me and start asking me questions. I can't remember it all, but one thing I remember is Roxy asked me if I'm into anal sex. I said 'sure, and I know you are too,' or something like that."

"Damn straight she is," nodded Kane. "She's an anal whore."

"You're not wrong about that," Moses agreed. "Anyway, so then she says she misses anal because she found out it's a sin. They must've discovered religion or something. That's why I'm not sure whether they're still in porn or not. And then I tell them that it's only a sin for hardcore Christians if dicks are involved, and that toys are probably fine. And Roxy loses her fucking mind."

"Is that true, Mosey?" asked Kane.

"Is what true?"

"That anal is only a sin if there's a dick?"

"What the fuck would I know?" spluttered Moses. "I'm not religious, so I don't really care anyway. I was just messing with them. But here's the best bit. They bought it. So now that they think anal toys are religiously permissible, Jenna offers to fuck Roxy in the ass with one, and they ask if I wanted to come watch."

For now, Kane was prepared to give his buddy the benefit of the doubt. "What did you say?"

"The fuck do you think I said?" Moses exploded. "Of course! So I went with them to their condo in Gladeview and I sat on their couch watching them get it on. Roxy stripped off and got on all fours, then Jenna started eating her ass before fucking her butthole with a fat piece of plastic. And let me tell you, Roxy is one hell of a squirter. She had multiple orgasms and sprayed everywhere." He sipped his beer. "And so I'm sitting there, watching the show, when Jenna says I can whip it out if I want to. So of course I did, and so now I'm jacking it to these two hot sluts, and then Jenna asks if I wanted to stick my face in Roxy's wet cunt. So I crawl underneath her, and as soon as my tongue touches her pussy, she squirts all over my face. By now, I'm so fucking horny I'm about to nut. Jenna notices, maybe she's got a sixth sense for when a cock is just about to bust. So she pulls the toy out of Roxy's gaped ass and wraps her lips around my cock. I swear, I flooded her throat like a fuckin' firehose, and she swallowed it all."

Kane sat in silence for a few seconds before breaking into a disbelieving chuckle. "Fuck, dude, you're so full of shit. No fucking way did that happen."

Moses frowned. "It's the goddamn unvarnished truth. I ain't kidding."

"Like, was this the wet dream you had last night? Did you wake up in a cold sweat after you leaked your beta cummies all over your frilly panties? Dude, no fuckin' way does shit like that happen in real life. And even if it did, bro, why the fuck would they have picked you, out of all people?"

Moses shrugged. He didn't have an answer, but maybe it was something to do with his name.

Kane grinned cheekily. "Besides, I thought pornstars liked dudes with big dicks, so I fail to see how..."

"Shut the fuck up," frowned Moses.

"No, but being serious, I reckon I'm bigger than you, and I'm half Chinese..."

Moses's frown intensified.

Kane waved the waitress over and ordered two more beers. "If I have to sit here and listen to this crap, Mosey, the least you can do is pick up the tab when we're done."

"Oh," continued Moses, "there was one other thing that happened. Before I left, Jenna asked for my number, so I gave it to her. I went back to work, and..."

"Can I stop you there," interrupted Kane. "Just let me get clear on this for a sec, bro. I want to make sure I've got all the relevant facts." He sipped his beer. "You went back to work?"

"Yeah."

Kane blinked. "After a pornstar squirted all over your face while her roommate was ruining her ass with a gigantic dildo, you went back to work."

"Yeah, that's right," Moses nodded. "I mean, my hair is still a bit matted and caked. When I got back to work, I told my boss someone in my family was sick. I wasn't sure what else to say. Like, I couldn't tell the truth, could I? 'Sorry, boss, a pornstar who was getting railed in the ass with a toy squirted all over my face while I was on my lunch break.' Anyway, I never expected to hear from either of them ever again, but Jenna sends me a message asking if I wanted to get coffee with her some time."

"Fuck, dude, would you stop?" laughed Kane. "You're so full of shit, bro."

"You don't believe me?" asked Moses.

Kane wiped tears of mirth away from his eyes. "Fuck, this is the best story ever."

Moses whipped his phone out and showed Kane the message he'd received from her.

"Yeah, OK, but that could be from literally anyone," challenged his buddy, starting to wonder where the hidden cameras were placed.

"Take a look at what she wrote right at the end." Moses read her final sentence out loud. "'I hope this isn't too forward of me,' she said, 'but here's a pic of my pussy.'" He scrolled down, and there it was.

Kane stopped laughing. His eyes bulged. "Fuck, dude. No fucking way."

Moses nodded. "Like I said, I'm not kidding. This really happened."

Kane took a deep slug of beer. "That's... I mean, what? Fuck, bro... like, I'm sorry for doubting you, Mosey, but look at it from my perspective. It's such a batshit crazy story." He squinted at his friend's phone, examining it closely, forensically matching the image on the screen with the sweetly shaved snatch he'd fapped to dozens of times before. The birthmark just off to the right was a dead giveaway. "Yep, that's her beaver." He looked back up at his friend. "So what did you say when you replied to her?"

"I haven't replied to her yet."

"What? Why not?"

"Because I wanted to think about it for a while."

Kane's head exploded. "What the fuck is there to think about? She's probably fighting perverts off with jousting sticks every time she goes outside, but she asked you out for coffee and sent you a closeup of her cooter! This is a bona fide once in a lifetime offer, my bro, and you're wasting time! Send her a fuckin' reply!" He whipped the cap off his head and scratched his head in frustration.

Moses looked a little flustered. "What, now?"

"Yes, dude, now! Carpe diem the fuck out of this shit!"

Moses thought for a second. "OK, but what should I say?"

"Gimme your phone. Fuck, if you don't know what to say, let me do it." Kane held his hand out, seeking access to his buddy's handset.

"No fucking way!" protested Moses. "I know what you'll say. Probably something like 'coffee sounds good, but I'd rather have cake.'"

Kane laughed. "That's a good one! I'm gonna file that one away for future use." He thought for a second. "OK, I've got a good response for you. How about this. Start typing." He cleared his throat and adopted a comically Shakespearian repose. "'Darling Jenna. I would like to express my sincerest gratitude for your accommodation of my reserve of reproductive fluids earlier this fine morrow, and I look forward to making a further donation at your earliest convenience. Regards, Pindick Moses the Fourth.' There you go. Send her that. At least she'll think you're smart, and if you're lucky, she'll overlook the size of your tiny pencil."

Moses shook his head. "Fuck, man, I knew I should never have told you about this..."

"Bullshit, dude," volleyed Kane, "you couldn't fucking wait to tell someone." He grinned. "I'm just glad it was me."

Moses was still uncertain.

Kane tried the logical approach. "Listen to me, bro. Focus for a sec. You don't have a girlfriend right now, so what've you got to lose? Apart from your virginity, that is? I'd kind of try to pretend to understand why you'd be vacillating over a harmless coffee date with a fucking pornstar if you had some bitch storing your balls in a drawer, but you don't, so I'm genuinely fucked if I can work out what's holding you back right now."

Moses felt flustered and rushed, but he knew his buddy was right. "OK, OK, just shut up for a sec and let me think." He began typing. Kane's eyes were wide, wondering what he'd say.

'Hey Jenna, it was nice meeting you today. Coffee sounds good! When are you free?' He pressed send, and the message was gone. He held the phone up to Kane's eyeline. "Sent. Is this OK?"

Kane winced. "Barely OK. The barest of pass marks. Five out of ten, bruh. Sounds like you're setting up a business meeting. Did you remember to include a Teams link for her to click on?" He shook his head in confusion. "I mean, I know you've had girlfriends before, but now I'm starting to wonder how you ever landed any of them."

Moses's phone buzzed: a response from Jenna arrived immediately. 'Cool! For a second, I was worried you gave me a fake number. Let's grab a coffee on the weekend? I was half-expecting you to say 'coffee would be good but cake would be better' *wink*.' He read the message and showed his buddy.

Kane slammed the table in frustration. "Fuck, man, the one time in your entire life you thought of something funny, and you didn't use it? She wants you to flirt with her, bruh! She's done porn, nothing is off-limits!"

"Except, apparently, what the Bible says is off-limits. And I've never read it."

"Well," Kane sighed, "at least you understand your next assignment."

Moses nodded. He'd go to a bookshop on his lunch break tomorrow. Meanwhile, he tried to think of a witty response. 'My favourite cake is chocolate.' He pressed send and showed it to his buddy.

Kane slapped his forehead. "What fucking planet were you born on? Didn't you say she was a Christian? She's gonna think you're into eating shit!"

Moses stopped, genuinely surprised. "Wait, what? All I meant was I like chocolate cake..."

Kane was exasperated. "Fuck, dude, you really need to take a remedial class on this stuff."

"Wait, I'll try to make it better. Let me fix it." As Moses began typing a lengthy explanation about how all he meant was he liked chocolate cake, with no further insinuations necessary. Kane felt like he watching a carcrash unfolding in slow motion.

Luckily, Jenna beat Moses to the punch. His phone vibrated with a new message from her.

'i had a sweet helping of carrot cake earlier today mmm :p'

Moses held his phone up. "I don't understand."

Kane blinked in disbelief. "You're playing me now, aren't you? Are you being fucking serious with me right now? You couldn't *possibly* be this dense. OK, let me sketch it out for you. You said she ate Roxy's ass this afternoon. Roxy's a redhead. That's what she's referring to. Carrot equals redhead. Cake equals ass. Moses equals dumbfuck. Like, the one good thing that's come out of this is she probably thought you were talking about eating black ass, and not turds. You dodged a searing bullet right there."

"What should I say next?"

"As little as possible. Right now, you're a liability to yourself. Wrap this shit up as soon as you can. Get a time and a place for your coffee date."

Moses followed Kane's sage advice, and five minutes later, he was locked and loaded.

"That was a rollercoaster," sighed Kane, "but I think we finally got you over the line." He wiped his brow. "Just barely."

"Thanks, man," said Moses.

"My pleasure, I think." Kane sipped his beer. "Hey, I've got a question for you, and it's OK if you say no. So, I've been thinking about trying stand-up comedy. There's an open mic night coming up. Can I use this?"

"Use what?"

"Your day. What you just told me. This conversation. I reckon I could turn this into a funny routine. I promise not to make fun of you, but stories this insane don't come along often."

Moses grinned. "Least I can do for helping me out tonight. Let me know when you're gonna do it, and I'll come watch."

He was already beginning to feel nervous about meeting Jenna on the weekend.

*

In Gladeview, Jenna was preparing for bed. She had a good feeling about the guy she met earlier today. She kneeled at the foot of her bed, clasped her hands together and said her prayers, making sure to say something nice to God about Moses.

She climbed under the covers, masturbated, licked her fingers clean, and drifted off to sleep with the sticky taste of her juices on her tongue.

*

Moses rose early on Saturday morning. After a protein-heavy breakfast, he hit the gym. He jogged on the treadmill for twenty minutes before another twenty minutes of weights. Fifty push-ups and fifty sit-ups rounded out his routine. He showered and headed back home. He sat in a chair and looked at the clock on the wall. He didn't want to be late. He made sure he got to Starbucks well in advance of their meeting time. He arrived, found a table, and ordered a toasted bagel he didn't really want. He picked at it, but anxiety had temporarily buried his appetite. Caffeine wasn't necessary either; he was already alive with nervous energy. He wore a long-sleeved t-shirt, a pair of jeans, a pair of black boots and a cap.

Precisely at eleven o'clock, the front door squeaked opened and Jenna bounded in. She recognised Moses immediately and walked across to his table.