Gordo 01

Gordo 01

I mean, yeah, sure, in the beginning, I may have been on the protests and other grumblings band wagon when the "have it all" big box store was just under construction just a short distance away from the neighborhood, I mean, yeah, fine, so what? But damn, right? They have it all and it's just around three corners, so yeah, sure, I have since traded in my band wagon for a small sized 4-wheel drive truck, but it's not like I shop there in quadrants or anything. Or that I make a point of wandering up and down every single aisle within a seven days period.

Oh, and I have never ever shopped there on the weekends to people watch because of how they dress when they were all "I was just popping in for a couple of things" or anything like that. LOL, I don't need to, right? There are plenty of websites for that.

Oh, and I offer protest if anyone thinks I go there to make friends, so. Like at the checkout registers. Or anything like that. Because that would be desperate. And I already wore my favorite cashier, Zazie, down anyways, so.

And by the way, hey, I'm Gordon, but more and more these days, I'm a little softer Gordo, so.

"Oh, you're late today, Gouda."

"Zazie, for the last time, it's Gordo! Gouda is a cheese and a city in northern Europe, so?"

"LOL, I know, sweetie, it's just that it helps with your eye makeup scheme when you get frustrated and you squint and then open your eyes wide, LOL."

"Well, whatever Zazie, just don't kick me out of your quick checkout lane because I have more than twelve items then. You make enough of a fuss about me as it is."

"Relax, Gordo, you've worn me down and now that I have you wrapped around my little finger, I mean, we're friends, so?"

"Well, just cash me out, Zazie and figure things out from that like you always do anyways, so."

"These are cute [beep], this is fake [beep], oh, these better be for me later [beep, beep], I don't understand these [beep, beep], finally, some clear lip gloss [beep], I'm glad that you drink milk [beep], pair of high tops #214 [beep], huh, a small flashlight [beep], boot socks [beep], tall socks [beep], hair head band, cool [beep], fingerless gloves [beep], hoodie #172 [beep], and finally, a pre-paid gift card [beep, bleep, $100, bleep, cancel, bleep, $200, beep], which is hopefully for me, so slide your credit card then, Gordo."

"I mean, Zazie, isn't this where I enter an amount for the gift card then?"

"I mean, Gordo, isn't this where I ask you where you want to go this weekend then? I mean, those two 3-packs of single servings Champagne that we have left over from New Years are for me then, right? Along with the gift card?"

"Well, you don't know everything, Zazie, so."

"I know that you want to adventure out somewhere this weekend, Gordo, and based on the fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map that just you purchased, I'm guessing that you want me to take you to 5 Sides tomorrow night, am I right about knowing that then, Gordo?"

"Well, I mean, you don't know why I purchased these two little packages then, so?"

"And you are right about that, Gordo and if they are for what the label says they are, then have fun, but if they are for something kinky, well, just make sure that we are alone, I mean, stuff just doesn't surprise me about you anymore, so?"

"Well, it's just an idea and kind of a "look" gimmick and not kinky, Zazie. Anyways, are you going to take me to 5 Sides tomorrow night or not then, Zazie?"

"LOL, of course, funny boy, but I'm not passing up this opportunity to put the tie in my favor either, Gordo, so here's what's going to happen then. First, keep one of the 3-packs of personal sized bottles of Champagne in reserve for another time. Next, chill the other Champagne bottles on ice and pick me up at about 9pm and we'll go to 5 Sides for about an hour, at which you can do whatever you want, like with your little flashlight and your fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map, but then you take me to club. Candi's, Candi's Corner for a few drinks and a little dancing with anyone I chose, so?"

"The square building that is round inside, Zazie?"

"LOL, yeah, they say it makes horny dawgs dizzy from chasing their prey in circles, LOL. So, deal then Gordo?"

I mean, I had to agree to the deal, right folks? I had already purchased my "look" gimmicks and my little flashlight, not to mention the fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map and I had never been down to the old abandoned 5 Sides house before, so.

Oh, and as far as the two packages of my "look" gimmick purchases goes, well, never mind about that just yet because what's important is that I was smart enough to throw a jacket in the back of my truck so I could change out of my treasure hunting hoodie before going to the club. In my new black treasure hunting capri jeans without a belt and my ghost stomping boots, so.

[Arrives at finger wrapping mistresses house]

"Well, that's a unique look then, Gordo. Come here and let me count them then."

[Takes control of Gordo's waist for belt loop counting purposes]

"One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Seven miniature brass luggage padlocks then, one on each belt loop of your Capri jeans! Cool sweetie!"

"Well, it's my first time to 5 Sides and the little padlocks were just so cute, small and shiny and I thought it might help me be remembered, Zazie, so?"

"No, no, I like it, I like it, it's a unique look and it's right up your alley, just don't lean up against anyone's vehicle, LOL. And don't short change yourself about if people will remember you. Guys like jeans that are basically busting at the seams, LOL, not that you're here to man hunt or anything."

Well, I mean, my thighs are lusciously delightfully thick, that's all, folks. So, remember that.

Anyways, here's what happened as soon as we arrived at 5 Sides. First, yep, it was a hang out spot, so that was cool, but secondly, holy oddly shaped weird old house, old 5 Sides looked about 200% totally rickety and dangerous! And spooky. Which may be why everyone hung outside on the abandoned property. But 5 Sides was perfect for a hidden treasure that was guarded by a ghostly spirit, so.

And let's not even talk about the other thing about the weird ass shaped spooky house as compared to the fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map being totally wrong. The map had the "point" facing the Middleton River, but the weird ass house actually had the "point" facing away from the river, which is probably why the fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map is no more than a popular diner dinner mat, so. And only cost a quarter.

[Bottle popper popped, fizz, ooh, ahh]

"Ready to mingle for an hour then, Gordo?"

"Check, small ghost spotting flashlight in one hoodie pocket and clear lip gloss in the other hoodie pocket, check, bursting at seams treasure hunting black capri jeans, check, ghost stomping boots, check, dangling, yet silent miniature padlocks on each belt loop for remembrance, check, Zazie."

"LOL, you got this on lock then, Gordo. Listen, if Brad is around, I mean, he has been known to refer to lip gloss as blow job lubricant, so watch yourself then, Gordo."

"Oh, oh, I mean, thanks for the heads up about that, Zazie."

Huh, I would have never thought about that, but it didn't surprise me that Brad did. I mean, it really wouldn't help anyways, right? (Gordan-Gordo on Chang.) (For comment purposes.) (No pics please.) (Unless there is something that needs to be explained with photos).

"Alright then, Gordo, I'm on the move, so, stay the hell out of rickety old house and may your jangling, but not jingling little brass padlocks bring you good fortune, LOL, for an hour. Also, sweetie, stay the fuck out of the 5 Sides house! Unless I'm in your will, so [mwah], see you soon then."

[Another bottle popper popped, fizz, ooh, ahh, see you]

"OMFG, listen, Gordo, geez, I mean, OMG, you're such a handful sometimes! Take that fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map out of your back pocket and maybe I'll have a wardrobe nip slip malfunction on our way to Candi's Closet or something!"

I mean, it's not like stuffed the fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map in my back pocket as we arrived at 5 Sides just for that purpose or anything (tee, he).

But I did remove the fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map from my back pocket, which gave a perv just enough time to sneak up on me.

"Hey, fancy dangling belt loop padlock girl, what's up?"

[Slowly turns around]

"I mean, fancy padlock boy, if you wouldn't mind. Or Gordo. And this is my first time here at 5 Sides, so I'm not sure what's up then."

"Oh, perfect then. I'm Matt and I'm the new, yet official 5 Sides spot greeter then. And the official miniature padlock counter, so?"

"It's seven, Matt. I bought eight, but my jeans only have seven belt loops, so."

"Well, I actually find the dangling padlock from each belt loop look appealing on you, Gordo, but as the official belt loop counter, I mean."

Oh, so people just get that close the quickly then?

"I mean, that's one [poke], two [tickle], three [pinch], four [slap], five [squeeze], six [pat] and seven [grope] little brass padlocks then, Gordo. I like it. Do you have any more of these little padlocks then?"

"I mean, with the packaging and all, I had to buy eight of them, but my jeans only have seven belt loops, so I thought I might save the last one to snap on the front belt loop of the person who successfully seduces me tonight. You know, Matt, to show the world that I have staked a claim or that I was claimed and staked. I'm not sure how the whole sex side slam piece thing works, so."

"Oh, I mean, Gordo, it's your lucky night then, so?"

"Don't tell me, Matt, you're the 5 Sides official sex slave side slam piece instructor then? Well, anyways, I'm just teasing with you because you were tickling with me with the unique way you have of counting, so."

"Well, Gordo, I can appreciate that and I also appreciate that you haven't run off, but if you do run off from me, don't run into the rickety 5 Sides house. Well, unless by chance that I'm in your will. Anyways, is there a real possibility that you might actually be seduced tonight then?"

"Well, Matt, obviously I cannot answer that question and it's not like I brought along the last little brass lock to you know, chip in or anything, but the truth is, this is my first out on a large basis, so?"

"Well, here's hoping that you don't run into Chip tonight then because I mean, tonight is all about you and I and that first time thing then, right Gordo? And it's all about these miniature padlocks too, of course."

"I mean, you haven't quite worn me down yet, Matt, but I do like how you keep after things. But listen, Matt, does anyone ever, you know, just sneak into the 5 Sides house? Like just for a quick minute? I mean, I have my small flashlight with me, so?"

[Whips it out of the hoodie pocket]

"I mean, that tube looks like lip gloss more than a flashlight, but to answer your question, I mean, hell no! Unless your house and truck are in your will in my favor, so? Also, watch out for Brad because he calls lip gloss blow job lubricant, so?"

I mean, I gently patted Matt on the face as a I walked away, of course.

"Where's your little friend, Gordo?"

"Zazie? She's mingling about, why Jake? Also, hi, Jake."

"Um, hi, Gordo, I mean, I just officially saved you from Matt, right Gordo?"

"And Zazie will probably say "yes" if you would just say "would you like to go out with me" Jake, so?"

"Well, I will ask that tonight. But I mean, I should count these dangling, yet silent brass padlocks before I commit then."

Seriously, I mean, do guys just think that arms are meant to be used as instruments to tighten up the space between them and their victim then? Also, is this just a preview or a warm up Candi's Closet then?

"The way I see it, Gordo, we have one [poke], two [tickle], three [pinch], four [slap], five [squeeze], six [pat] and seven [grope] little brass padlocks reasons that I'm dog tailing it with the two of you to club tonight then. And shouldn't there be like one more little padlock then, Gordo? Also, let's not tell Zazie that I personally counted them then, alright?"

"Well, Jake, I'd be happy that you would be at the club with us later, but give Zazie some space to mingle until then and by the way, I have a ghost spotting flashlight with me if you would care to help me peek my head just inside of 5 Sides for like five minutes, so?"

"Oh, lip gloss then, I mean, should I holla for Brad? Also, am I in your will then, Gordo?"

I mean, ugh! All I wanted to do was to at least be able to honestly say that I put my fake, yet authentic tourist trap treasure map and flashlight into practice! Oh, and not my blow job lubricant lip gloss!

"Hmmm, someone looks frustrated, so?"

"Oh snap, Josh, OMG, Josh, go away Josh!"

[Twists and drops head]

"Ah, come on, Gordon or Gordo. I mean, I was going to see you dressed sooner or later anyways, so?"

"Well, Josh, that day I "accidently" kissed you, I mean, you totally freaked out, so?"

"Yes, yes, I did, Gordo, but you went all surprise attack on me and I was totally caught off guard, but I'll remind that I at least texted you the next day, so?"

"Oh, well, and I still have that text in my phone, Josh. You asked me if I ever wore lip gloss, so?"

"Oh, ahem, uh-mm, I mean, I just heard from Brad that it makes lip smacking so much smoother, so."

[Seriously? Gordo has enough nerve to apply lip gloss right in front of Josh then?]

"Gordo, I mean, this 5 Sides place is spooky enough without you making a backyard campfire spooky face in dark with that little flashlight, but it really makes your lips glow, so?"

"Oh, I mean, tee, he, wrong hoodie pocket, again! Anyways, with the past in the past, Josh, and with my time running short here, I mean, just help me pop my head completely inside of 5 Sides then, alright?"

"Oh, let's see, ah, hell NO! Unless I'm in your will. However, given how you finally look like someone that I should be lip locking with, I mean, we could wander around to the west side of 5 Sides and maybe peek into a broken window or something, alright, Gordo? I mean, with the past in the past and all, so?"

Oh, I mean, yeah, right folks? I mean, if I had ever heard of a reason to apply a layer of blow job lube to my lips, right? So, as he just said, NO!

"Alright, Josh, but I get to shine my little flashlight inside, so."

"Or, or, or and I'm just guessing here, you could apply a little bit of lip gloss on the ghost that will greet us at the window then. I mean, legend has it that the treasure guardian ghost is a girl, so?"

"Oops, I mean, tee, he, wrong hoodie pocket, again! After my first again."

I mean, the right hoodie pocket and the left hoodie pocket, I mean, they should separate them by sides or something! Or sew an identifying patch on them!

[Mwah, ummah, smack]

"Oh, that's how you should have sneak attack kissed me before then, Gordo."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah oops, ahh, ahh]

"I mean, I only knew that I wanted to try something, Josh, but you never let it on that you wanted to try something back, so."

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah oops, ahh, ahh]

"Hmmm, can I personally count all of your dangling little padlocks then, Gordo?"

"My time is short, Josh, so it's seven, but you already counted them anyways, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah oops, ahh, ahh]

"Also, I guess you're not exactly short then, Josh, so?"

"I mean, the hidden treasure guardian ghost is speaking to me, Gordo, so?"

"LOL, don't tell me, Josh, she's whispering to you that I should bend over and reach through the broken window and put a nice lip gloss sheen on her invisible lips while you search and poke around for my hidden treasure then?"

"Oh, so you can hear her too then, Gordo, so?"

[Mwah, ummah, mwah, smooch, lip smack, lip lock, mwah, ah, rub, rub, mwah, ah oops, ahh, ahh]

"Um, um, Gordo?????"

"[Mwah] call me, Josh, that's my side by side for the rest of the night, but this is from the guardian ghost lady and nothing more."

[Fap, fap, fap, fap, fap, stroke, huh? Squirt, blast, squirt, huh?]

"Shut it, Gordo, I was just worked up from all that tongue tagging, so. But, ahh!"

[Take it, LOL, a quick shooter may work out in the future]

"Watch, LOL, your step and ghost lady, I'll be back someday!"

[A breeze comes from nowhere, which happens all the time on Earth, so]

Well, I didn't get a chance to search for the hidden treasure inside of 5 Sides, even though I had my new hidden treasure searching outfit on, but who knows what Candi's Corner club may offer me, right?

End Gordo 01