Kasey's Confession Ch. 05

My sleep that night was haunted by dreams of men in dark shadows hissing at me and jumping out with monstrous cocks as big as my arm. I woke up in a sweat, leaned over to see it was only four in the morning and tried to go back to sleep.

When I finally got out of bed at eight o'clock my mouth was dry and filled with the taste of booze and salt water. I had slept in a black teddy I'd bought on a whim and when I looked in the mirror I realized that although I washed my face repeatedly and changed my clothes, I had forgotten about my hair which was sticky with dried semen.

"I am such a slut," I muttered to myself.

I knew I was meeting Hank that afternoon. He was coming over at two o'clock, so I had plenty of time to pull myself together and get ready. I had no idea what to expect from him, as although he was pleasant on the phone he didn't have much to say. I also knew I was meeting another of my callers, Ted, at eight o'clock that night.

In the span of three days I had gone down on five different men after having insisted, in spite of fantasies that ran contrary to those insistences, that I would never suck cock. Now it was all I could think of. I was thirty-three years old, I'd never been in a relationship with a woman that lasted more than six months, I liked wearing women's clothes, I loved showing off my smooth girlie legs, and I was meeting men every day for the purpose of giving them blowjobs.

Even Bob, who was a fairly regular kind of guy, and who wanted to be my friend, would never have become my friend if it wasn't for Mike getting me started sucking cock and then introducing me to other men.

The amount of attention I was getting was a completely new thing to me. I was usually all but invisible to people. I had trouble meeting girls and at work people usually only noticed me when they needed to, because of work related matters. No one ever wanted to hang out with me or be friends. When I went out to a work related function, usually a group of us meeting at a bar to celebrate someone retiring or getting married, I ended up sitting alone and being boxed out of conversations.

While part of me kept saying, in my head, "Sucking cock is so gross" and "Being with men is nasty," that part of me was getting shouted down more and more each day. I loved being able to dress up sexy for men, to show off my feminine legs to an appreciative audience, and it was impossible to deny that I loved sucking cock.

I went out and bought a couple of bras, and some women's tops, before Hank was due to arrive. I bought them wearing my shorts and when I volunteered to the salesgirl that I was buying these things as "a gift for my girlfriend" she just looked at me funny. She hadn't asked.

Two men were smoking cigarettes outside the entrance to the store. They looked at me as I hurried past them and muttered "Faggot" at me. I ignored them, even as the word felt like a dagger jabbing into my heart.

I filled one of my new C-cup bras with socks after putting it on and got dressed up completely for my two o'clock date. I had washed and blow-dried my hair, using plenty of mousse and hairspray to give it a kind of 80s girl look, and I printed off several pages of "makeup tips" from a website that I used as a guide to make my face as pretty as possible.

By the time Hank arrived I looked sexier and prettier than I ever had. For the first time ever I was wearing a plaid, pleated miniskirt I bought because it had a kind of "naughty Catholic schoolgirl" look to it along with a pair of five inch heels with laces that wrapped around my ankle and up my calf. It was an odd combination, but I thought it worked, and when I looked in my full-length mirror I felt proud, not ashamed, of who I was.

When Hank arrived, he brought me a small bouquet of flowers that looked like he'd gotten them at a drugstore. I was tremendously flattered by the gesture and took the glass vase I kept in my closet, which I had once gotten years ago as a Christmas present and had never used, and put the flowers immediately into water.

Hank wore a black t-shirt and black jeans, along with a rather absurd looking cowboy hat. He seemed vaguely annoyed after I ushered him inside my apartment, so I asked him if everything was okay. He shrugged, so I asked him if he was disappointed.

"Not yet," he muttered. "You got any beers?"

I nodded and brought him one, then stood there feeling rather uncomfortable as he sat down on my living room chair and stared out through the open blinds of the sliding glass door leading out to my balcony. He mumbled a "thanks" and continued staring out the glass door and away from me.

"Can I get you anything else?" I asked. "I have some chips—"

"Just shut the fuck up and suck my dick," he barked.

He sucked down more than half of the beer I had given him and stood up. As he unbuckled his jeans and started pulling them down, I went over to close the blinds.

"Leave 'em open," he barked, "let your neighbors see what a sissy you are."

My balcony was on the second floor of my apartment complex and overlooked the swimming pool. While you couldn't see into my apartment from the ground, there were a number of apartments around the pool with balconies and from any of them you could see across and into my apartment.

"I'd rather close them," I said.

"Come here," Hank snapped, throwing his cowboy hat over onto the couch and sitting down, his pants unbuckled and unzipped but still mostly pulled up to his waist.

"I don't..."

"Get over here and lie across my lap," he said.

"What?"

"You heard me," he said, sounding very annoyed. "Get the fuck over here and lie across my lap. I am going to give you a spanking."

Part of me wanted to tell him to get out, but the only voice that came out of me was weak and feeble, and my protests sounded far too pathetic to be taken seriously. I walked towards him, nervous and suddenly unsteady in my heels and stood in front of him, wobbly and shaking.

"Please don't hurt me," I said in a tiny, feminine voice that leaked out of me without my having to imitate the voice consciously.

"Lie across my lap, face down," he said sternly.

It felt more than a little awkward, but I managed to lie across his lap. My body was twitching and quivering and it only got worse when Hank pulled up my skirt and ran his hand over my ass cheeks, which were left uncovered by my pink thong panties.

"Men don't want to play games with you," he told me.

"Yes sir."

He pulled his hand back and brought it back down, slapping my right ass cheek hard. "Are you ashamed of being a cocksucker?" he asked.

"No sir."

He brought his hand down and hit my ass cheek harder. "I said, are you ashamed of being a cocksucker?"

I had tears in my eyes as he slapped my ass a third and then a fourth time. "Yes," I cried, "I am ashamed of being a cocksucker."

"But you are a cocksucker, aren't you?" he asked sternly as he brought his hand down to smack my ass a fifth and then a sixth time.

Sobbing and whimpering, I answered him. "Yes, I am a cocksucker."

He kept spanking me, hitting one cheek and then the other, until I was crying uncontrollably, not so much from the pain but from the full and open confession. "I am a cocksucker," I said through my tears, over and over as the spanking continued.

"Stop trying to pretend you aren't," he said before telling me to get up.

I struggled to get to my feet, unsteady standing in my heels with my knees shaking and tears running down my cheeks. As I pulled my skirt down over my ass I could feel the sting from his spanking and at the same time realized that my dick was hard as a rock.

"You have some fans," Hank said and motioned towards the balcony with his head.

I looked out through the open blinds and saw two women standing on the balcony across from mine. They were smoking cigarettes and looking in the direction of my apartment, but not directly at me.

"Let's go out on the balcony and have a beer," Hank said.

"Like this?" I stammered, looking down at how I was dressed.

"Yes, bitch, like that. Are you ashamed of how you look?"

"No sir," I said, looking down at the floor and realizing I didn't want to get spanked again. "I don't want to be ashamed."

The women on the balcony were not across the pool from me, but to the left of my apartment where they had a diagonal view of my balcony. I convinced myself their angle on my apartment didn't give them a clear view of what had been going on inside, and after Hank chugged down the last of the beer I had given him, I took it and came back with two fresh ones.

"Shall we step outside, sissy legs? Such a nice day outside, don't you think?"

"Yes, sir, it is a very nice day."

With Hank right behind me, I opened the sliding glass door and stepped outside, trying not to think too much about how I was dressed. I was starting to feel steady walking in my heels again, and tried to act completely natural as I stepped out onto the balcony.

One of the women whistled at me, like the cliché of the construction workers whistling at an attractive woman who walked by. I smiled weakly and did not look at them as Hank stepped out next to me and sat down on one of the two plastic lawn chairs I had out on the balcony.

"Hi ladies," Hank said. He had fixed his jeans so they were appropriately buckled up and had his cowboy hat on again, which he tipped to the women as he spoke.

"Hey there," one of the women shouted back.

"You two interested in having a beer with us?" Hank asked, waving the bottle he was drinking.

"Thanks," shouted back the woman, "but we're waiting on some friends. We're going to the festival today."

"We could walk over," Hank said, holding up the beer and saying, "free beer."

"Yeah, if you want," the first woman said.

"Your friend is cute," said the second woman, laughing.

I followed Hank like a puppy and silently watched as he pulled a six-pack of beer out of my refrigerator and started out the door. Fully dressed as I was, in the middle of a Sunday afternoon, I kept my head down and walked directly behind him hoping no one would notice me.

I could feel the stares of people pulling into the parking lot in their cars, or walking past, but I kept looking down, feeling a strong sense of humiliation in how I was walking in heels and a skirt with a lacy woman's top and a stuffed bra, not to mention the makeup I was wearing and my ridiculously styled hair.

We walked up the stairs to the apartment of the women and Hank rang the doorbell while I looked sheepishly down at the ground and my pink toenails and the laces of my strappy heels.

The door opened and the women were standing there, giggling as they told us to come on in.

One said to the other, "I told you it was a guy," while the other laughed and said "no kidding, I was just messing with you."

Hank handed them each a bottle of beer and they led the way out onto their balcony. It was obvious that I was nervous and uncomfortable, but Hank and the women carried on like everything was normal.

"I'm Hank, and this is my friend Kasey," he told the women.

"Kat and Amber," said the first woman. "You both live across the way there? I think I've seen Kasey before, but usually not all, you know, dressed up."

"Kasey lives there," Hank told them. "I'm just visiting."

"I bet," laughed Amber.

I stood quietly in the corner, nursing my beer and trying to make myself invisible.

"Kasey probably has a lot of 'friends,' don't you, Kasey?" Kat asked me.

"I guess," I muttered quietly.

"Come on, Kasey, don't be so shy," Hank said and grabbed my arm, pulling me out of the corner and back into the group.

"I love your shoes, Kasey," said Amber.

"Thank you," I said, looking at the ground.

"Look at people when they talk to you, sissy boy," Hank said and lightly slapped my ass through my pleated skirt.

I hopped forward and looked up at Amber. "I'm... I'm... I'm glad you like them."

"So, what are you Kasey, like a tranny or whatever they call them?" Kat asked.

"I... I'm... um..." I couldn't come up with an answer, but then Hank slapped me on the ass just hard enough to bring the sting of the earlier spanking back to the forefront of my memory.

"Tell them what you are, Kasey," he said. "Tell them."

"I'm... a... cock... sucker..."

The women laughed. "I have no doubt of THAT," Kat snickered. "I mean, come on."

"Show us," Amber suggested.

"What... do... you... mean?"

"I don't know, like a little demonstration," laughed Amber.

"I think that can be arranged," Mike said and started unbuckling his pants.

"No," I said, completely flustered. "I can't do this," I told them and tried to run back inside.

Mike grabbed my arm and pulled me towards him. He looked at me, shaking his head, and then pushed me down on my knees in front of him.

"Okay, okay," interjected Kat, "that's enough, chill out."

"I was just messing with y'all," said Amber.

I felt humiliated as I got back up and regained my balance in my heels. Hank lightly smacked me on the ass and pointed me towards the balcony railing, which I stepped over to and leaned against, facing Hank and the two girls.

They spent most of the remaining time that Hank and I were at their apartment standing on the balcony laughing and making jokes about me and my appearance. Hank encouraged them, calling me a sissy and a slut numerous times and then telling him he'd met me through a friend who said I always went down on guys on the "first date."

"Well, that'll get you a reputation," Kat told me with a laugh.

"Thanks for inviting us over," Hank said as he finished his beer. "I need to take Kasey back over to his place so I can get a blowjob before heading home."

"Have fun," the women told us.

I felt totally humiliated by the visit to my neighbors and kept my head down as Hank marched me back to my apartment. I looked straight down at the ground and tried to block out any sound or sight of people who might be seeing me walking outside dressed the way I was.

I had just gotten up the stairs to my apartment when I heard a familiar voice. It was Bill, my next door neighbor.

"Wow, Kasey, you look... uh, interesting."

I looked up, feeling completely embarrassed and managed to mutter a very meek "hello" to Bill before going back into my apartment with Hank, who said "hey man" to Bill with a snicker before we went back inside.

Once the door closed, Hank told me to get on my knees. Instead, I lost it and started beating my hands on his chest and saying "No, no, no, I can't do THIS anymore." I tried to make fists to hit him with but my long, fake fingernails made it too difficult to make a fist so I just slapped helplessly at him with my open palms.

"You are what you are," Hank said without any real reaction to me beating on his chest other than waiting until I wore myself out and then pulling my hands off of him. "Get down on your knees and suck my cock, you pansy," he ordered after taking me by the hand and dragging me into the living room.

While I dropped to my knees, he turned the chair in my living room around so that my kneeling in front of it would be fully visible through the open blinds. Then he pulled off his shoes and pants and sat down in the chair in front of me.

The women across the way had gone back inside, but still I felt exposed by how I was doing what I was doing in front of what was basically an open window. I gently wrapped my hand around the base of Hank's cock, which was very thick but no more than six inches long, and started lowering my head towards it.

Just before my lips touched the head of Hank's cock, I saw, out of the corner of my eye, the two women across the way come back out on their balcony along with three other women. They were pointing towards me and I could see they were laughing.

"Don't you even think about stopping," Hank said sternly. "Suck that cock."

I closed my eyes and let my lips slide over the head of his cock, and then I stopped thinking about anything else. I loved the way cock felt as it entered my mouth, how it tasted and how it smelled. I slowly lowered my head and let my lips glide down the shaft until my nose was buried in Hank's pubic hair.

We had only been back in my apartment for five, or maybe ten, minutes, but in that time my thoughts had gone from the extreme of wanting to run away and never do what I was doing again to where all I could think about was, "I want to suck more cock. I need to suck MORE cock."

There was nothing I'd ever done or experienced in my life that I enjoyed more than sucking cock.

I knew my neighbors and their friends were watching and laughing at me. They saw a guy dressed up like a woman in high heels and makeup wearing a bra stuffed with socks on his knees going down on another guy. Whatever they thought of me, at that moment, while I was going down on Hank, I didn't care. I was loving it, and the way my own erection was rubbing against the material of my panties only ratcheted up my excitement.

My head bobbed up and down on Hank's cock. I let it slip out of my mouth and jerked on it while I lapped at his balls and then slowly slid the full length of his cock back into my mouth. I wanted to be good at sucking cock. I didn't just want men to know I gave head on the first date. I wanted them to leave thinking they'd gotten the best blowjob of their lives.

As I felt Hank getting closer to orgasm, my body started tingling, and I went faster, bobbing my head up and down and sliding up and down the shaft before sucking wickedly on the head. I felt his body tense and mine did as well as he exploded into my mouth.

I held his cum in my mouth, not wanting to let any of it drip out, then let go of his cock and tilted my head back, swallowing all of his semen in one big swallow.

It wasn't until after Hank left that I realized I had cum in my panties while sucking his cock.