Love, Layna Pt. 01

"Did I do something weird?" I asked quietly, unsure of myself or Heather's feelings.

"Not at all, you're just cute," she said, making me blush all over again. Heather laughed and finally sat back, letting her gaze wander as she spoke.

"This is one of my favorite places to go. Good food, good drinks, and such a nice and inviting atmosphere."

"You're right. I already love the vibe of this place, and it's so quiet," I said. The sounds of the city were muffled by the old walls of the building, and the soft clinking of cups and utensils was inviting. There was music playing in the room, but it was so quiet, almost like a dream.

"It's a great place to study or read. I actually read that book here over the past week." Heather said, her eyes closed in relaxation.

"Oh yeah, She's not There, by Jennifer Boylan! How did you like it?" I asked. It had been a long time since I had discussed the book with anyone, and I really wanted to know how she felt about it, or what approach she took toward the book.

"It was good! I've seen other people in my life transition, so it wasn't mind blowing in that respect. I liked hearing about her life and her journey the most. Just getting a glimpse into her perspective was so valuable."

"I completely agree," I nodded. "I mean, it's no secret that I transitioned years ago, so I know the process first hand. But knowing that her life experience wasn't all that dissimilar to mine was, in a way, comforting." I said. Heather didn't seem phased by my casual mention of being transgender. I imagine she probably knew, or just wasn't surprised by that kind of stuff. It made me admire her more. It was just another aspect of who I was, and she didn't feel like it was a big deal.

"It also helps that she is a good writer too," Heather commented. I nodded in agreement.

"Absolutely! I wish I could write like her someday."

"So, is being a writer your goal, Layna?" Heather asked. In the background of our conversation, I could hear Scott grinding coffee beans.

"I don't know... I'm studying literature and english, but I'm not sure what I want to do with it." I contemplated the topic again, as I had for the past year. "I chose the major because I wanted to read other people's perspectives and stories. I do like to write, but I don't know what I could do with my writing right now. I guess I'm just trying to find what I want to do."

"I don't think there is anything wrong with that," Heather replied, her smile easing some of the anxiety and mystery inside of myself. "We all have a time where we try to find what fits us, and learning to explore and enjoy that exploration is part of the process. At least that's how I see it."

"Yeah, you're right..." I muttered, remembering my friends and the fun of being in a new place and meeting new people. "I get anxious about things pretty easily, but I have been enjoying my time at school. I just have to remember that."

"You're an exchange student, right?" Heather asked. I was sure my accent made it obvious.

"Yeah, I came from America. Pretty lame, right?" I joked. Heather laughed a little and shook her head.

"Maybe, but I think traveling anywhere is good, and having the guts to make the trip is admirable. Everyone needs a change of perspective in some way or another."

Scott brought our drinks over and we ordered our brunch. I got the french toast with an assortment of fruit toppings, and Heather got Crêpes with syrup and cream. We chatted about school and classes, laughing about professors and other students we knew. It felt like I was making a wonderful new friend, and the pressure of a relationship was pushed to the back of my mind.

We finished our food and took a moment to sit back and let our wonderful meal settle. As we finally left the shop, the awkwardness of what to do next crept into my mind, but was quickly washed away.

"So, Layna, would you like to keep this little date going, or would you like to part ways now and hang out again another day?" Heather asked, still smiling. I felt like I was in the presence of the smoothest talking lesbian in the world.

"Oh goodness, um, I have no plans today, so we can do something else? Did you have anything in mind?" I asked, my blushing returning at the mention of this being a date.

"I was thinking we could relax at my place and watch a movie if you would feel comfortable, or we could check out an art exhibit on campus. A friend of mine said it's pretty cool."

My heart was about to beat out of my chest at the thought of going to her place, but I couldn't decide what to do. I didn't want to rush anything, but I didn't want to make her think I didn't like her. As if she could see what was buzzing in my mind, she spoke up again.

"How about we go to the art exhibit, then you won't have to walk so far to get back to your dorm."

She was so calm and collected, and so thoughtful. She reminded me of Jessica, like she knew what I was feeling and knew how to ease that anxiety inside of me.

"That sounds really nice, Heather," I finally managed. She took a step forward and reached her hand out toward me.

"Do you want to hold my hand while we walk?" Heather asked. I couldn't help but smile from ear to ear as I took her hand and we walked to the art exhibit. My body buzzed with happiness at her touch, and her knowledge and strength was so admirable. I didn't feel like the waves of a relationship were carrying me away, but rather I was slowly wadding into a calm pool, enjoying the water at my own pace. My feet were firmly on the ground, and my head well above water. My goals were still in sight, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the sweeter things in life, right?

***

"Ahhhh, I'm so proud of you Layna!"

I reeled back from my phone as Connie yelled in excitement. I had been on the fence about calling my friends after my date with Heather, and this was exactly why.

"I mean, I didn't do much of anything, Heather did most the work," I laughed in embarrassment.

"But still, you're like, taming the heartbreaker! That's incredible!" Connie continued, half of her words getting drowned out in static as her voice peaked the audio.

"Geez, Connie, you're gonna make her deaf, chill out," Gwen said. Connie quietly apologized and kept squealing in excitement. "And Layna, I'm glad to hear she was cool with the trans stuff. That must be a big relief."

"Yeah, it's always hard to know how things will go when the topic has to come up, but she didn't even seem to care. It was really nice..." I said, remembering her smile and the way she held my hand. It had been less than a day since I was with her, but I couldn't stop remembering how comforting she was in those sweet moments.

"So, how far did you two love birds go?" Connie asked, her sly grin almost audible through the phone. If I didn't know any better, I would say she was trying to vicariously live through my relationship with Heather.

"Connie, that's way too personal!" Violet chimed. She had been fairly quiet for this conversation, just like the last time I had talked to them about Heather.

"Oh come on, you know you wanna know, Violet!" Connie retorted. "So, Layna? Come on, how far?"

"Geez, we only held hands. It's not like I'm in a rush." I said, hoping to quell Connie's overbearing energy. Unfortunately, it was no use.

"Oh my god, that is so wholesome," Connie gushed, returning to her squealing.

"Layna, just... be careful, okay? Don't let Heather take advantage of you," Violet muttered, clearly concerned about me.

"I'll be careful Violet, don't worry," I said. Violet let out a quiet sigh, but I felt like it wasn't one of relief.

We chatted for a while longer before ending our call. As I hung up, I saw a text from Jessica had been waiting for me. I had told her about everything that happened with Heather earlier, and I eagerly opened her response. There was still a small, anxious part of me that worried that she would get jealous or resent me for going out on a date with Heather, but the anxiety was quickly invalidated.

"I'm so glad to hear it went well! I hope you have lots of fun times with Heather and she treats you well! I'm cheering for you, Layna!" her text read. It was nice to know that someone I loved so dearly was so encouraging. As I was about to put my phone down, another message came in, this time from Heather. I opened the message and smiled. She had sent me a photo of herself with an adorable calico cat, with the caption, "I hope you get to meet my sweet little Chloe soon!"

The two of them looked so adorable together, and my heart melted. I shot back a quick text saying: "Omg, you two are so adorable!! :O If I come over, I'm just coming for your cat! ;D"

I giggled to myself a little bit. Yeah, I was one of those girls who pretended I would love your cute pet more than you.

Heather responded soon after.

"Wanna come over tomorrow afternoon? Maybe take me up on that movie from before?"

I hesitated for a moment. Violet had urged me to be careful, and I wondered if she had meant that I should avoid seeing Heather alone. On one hand, I could see the danger, but on the other hand, watching a movie could lead to some cuddling, and Heather had proven that she was a nice person on our previous outing.

"Sure, I would love to come over! Just let me know the time and place and I'll be there!" I texted back. My love for snuggles couldn't be contained and I was willing to take the possible risk.

***

Time slowed to a crawl as I waited to see Heather again. The library was getting busy, and a few community events were held at the library to keep me busy, but even amongst the bustle, I couldn't help but think about Heather's smile. When the time came for me to finally meet with her at her apartment, it felt like I couldn't walk there fast enough.

I approached an old town house with a series of mail boxes along the wall next to the door. The brick work was old and worn, but the wooden porch had to have been less than a year old. I hesitantly walked into the building to find a small hallway with a set of stairs leading up to the other floors. I started my ascent, keeping my eyes open for Apartment 6. Sure enough, it was the only door at the very top of the stairs.

I knocked, but there was no reply. I checked my phone, and Heather had sent me another message.

"My apartment door is unlocked and you can just come in and yell to let me know you're here. I'm gonna try to be out of the shower by the time you arrive." she had texted me. It was sent about ten minutes ago.

I knocked again. Still no answer. I took a deep breath and opened the apartment door. Behind it was another set of stairs leading up. I could hear the spray of water from her shower as I made it to the top.

Ahead of me was an open doorway leading to what looked to be a living room with a slanted ceiling and a worn tan carpet. Along the walls were old rock and roll album covers, concert posters, and the occasional naked lesbian painting. The tv in the room was a large CRT, taking up an entire entertainment center on its own. Across from it was an old leather couch and a second hand lounging chair. I could already imagine my dad reading a newspaper in the large chair, leaning back with a beer and his reading glasses perched on his nose.

To the left of the entryway stairs was Heather's bedroom, and presumably her bathroom if the sound of the shower was any indication. To the right of the stairs was a kitchen with a brick column in the center surrounded by counter space. The ceiling was once again slanted on one side, with a large skylight in the center. The walls in the kitchen were bare brick, decorated with shelves of various glass bottles of beers, wines, and sodas, as well as jars of dry ingredients for cooking.

As I gawked at the space, the water turned off, and I poked my head into Heather's bedroom.

"Hey, Heather? I'm here!" I yelled, hoping she wouldn't get freaked out. Thankfully, she didn't scream in response, but just cracked open the bathroom door a tad.

"Oh wonderful! Feel free to get comfortable in the living room! I'll be out after I dry my hair!" she called back, steam starting to pour from the bathroom before she closed the door again. In her room, she had a fairly large bed, probably a queen size if I had to guess, and atop the dark red sheets was her cute little calico cat, Chloe. As much as I wanted to go pet her, I didn't want Heather to come out to get dressed and find me there staring at her.

I went to the living room and waited for a little while. I heard her blow drier come on, then turn off. There was some rustling in her room, and Chloe ran out into the living room and skeptically approached me.

"It's okay, I just want to love you," I cooed from my place on the couch as Chloe sniffed at my hand. I slowly went to pet her, but she bolted at the movement and settled on the floor as far from me as possible.

"She can be pretty scared of new people, but she warms up eventually," Heather called from her room.

"Is there anything I can bribe her with?" I asked, looking around for toys or treats.

"Treats are always her favorite. There are some on the counter in the kitchen."

I slowly made my way to the kitchen, making sure to pass by Chloe very carefully so I didn't scare her away. Sure enough, I found the treats and opened the bag. Chloe bounded into the kitchen and looked up at me expectantly with her adorable little face.

"Here, you want some?" I asked Chloe, holding out my hand with the treats. Chloe slowly approached, and as she did, I glanced up. I could see into Heather's room, and in the reflection of a mirror, I could see Heather's bare back and she got dressed. Her skin looked so perfectly soft, and her hair was so straight. I just wanted to run my fingers through it all night. I watched, completely entranced as she put on a lacy black bra and pulled a tank top over her head. Only then did I blush and realize I was breaching her privacy. Not only that, but Chloe had gotten her treats and ran off without me being able to pet her!

Defeated in my quest to get Chloe to love me, I returned to the living room, making sure not to look in Heather's room again.

As Heather strolled out of her bedroom, I couldn't help but admire her form. Her legs were long and her thighs looked remarkably powerful and soft. Her hips were well defined by her pudgy tummy underneath her tight fitting tank top, and I was lucky enough to get a small peek at her cleavage. If I had known she would dress so casual, I wouldn't have come in my nice jeans...

"Hey cutie," she greeted, then her smile widened. "Is this a bit too casual for you?"

She totally caught onto my gawking. I blushed fiercely and looked away, searching for anything else to keep my attention.

"No, no, not at all," I defended in vain. My eyes settled on Chloe, who was licking her paw in the corner of the room, paying us no mind.

"Good!" Heather exclaimed taking a seat next to me, close enough that her skin momentarily rubbed up against mine. "Cause I don't wanna wear more, and you couldn't make me!"

I was at a loss for words. She seemed so comfortable and friendly and not at all flustered like I was. Did she do this kind of stuff often? Does that mean she is as much of a heart breaker as I had heard? Is she playing me like a fiddle?

"Hey, Layna, you okay? I was just teasing about the clothes," Heather muttered, putting her hand to my forehead as if she was seeing if I had a fever. Her face was so close and I could smell a hint of vanilla from her shampoo.

"I'm just... not used to this kind of thing," I replied. I wasn't even sure what "This kind of thing" meant to me. Things just felt so different from what I had expected.

"You mean you're not used to going to visit someone and just having a nice movie night?" she asked, sitting back a bit without leaving too much space between us.

"Well, not that part, more like the... I don't know, I guess the so openly flirty part," I muttered, feeling like I was going to get laughed at. I felt so silly.

"Oh, that makes sense. I get that a lot," she admitted. She reached out and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. "I just like to be open with my feelings. I'm not trying to put any pressure on you or anything, don't worry."

I still felt a knot in my gut. It wasn't the anxiety I was used to feeling, it was something more pressing; something more eager to be let loose.

"And I just... Umm..."

I couldn't bring myself to let it out. I was worried that it would sabotage the little that we had.

"Oh come on Layna, you can let it out. I won't get freaked out or judge you. I bet you'll feel a lot better after you say it," she said, encouraging me with another squeeze of my hand.

"I... really like you Heather, and you're really beautiful!" I managed. Heather smiled.

"I already knew that you felt that way, silly! It's pretty obvious, to be honest," she teased. I felt so strange in that moment, like a wall that felt so solid for all these years fell down, revealing it to just be a cardboard cut out. I was trained for so long to hold in my feelings, but here I was, telling a woman I had a fleeting crush on that I liked her.

And yet, I felt like nothing had really changed. I was still on the couch with Heather and she still thought I was cute and she was still beautiful. All my life, I felt like revealing my deeper feelings would cause a major shift, but moments passed, and there was still nothing different.

"So, what does this mean?" I asked absentmindedly while we sat, my hand in hers. We hadn't even turned on the TV yet.

"It means we like each other, and that's fine. It doesn't need to mean anything more," she said, her soothing voice dripping with affection. "I'll always let you know how I'm feeling, and I hope you can do the same. That way we can let things take us wherever our hearts desire."

"I'll do the best I can... thank you, Heather," I sighed. The strange knot had disappeared from my gut, replaced with a blooming warmth. I was entering into a new and exciting relationship that refused to be confined, like a pen, running across an infinite page without ever being lifted.

"No need to thank me, Layna," she purred. giving me a quick kiss on the cheek. "Now, what kind of movie do you want to watch!"

We spent a little while sifting through Heather's move collection, deciding on what to watch. Heather suggested a horror movie, but I was not ready to be scared out of my seat. I could tell she just wanted to watch one in hopes that I would cling onto her.

We settled on a romantic comedy, and although I was disappointed to see that it was between a man and a woman, I figured it would be a nice film to relax with and maybe see if she wanted to snuggle.

She went to the kitchen and popped some popcorn before putting in the movie. It was light hearted and sappy, exactly what I expected. As the movie got a ways in, I slowly scooted toward Heather so our thighs were touching on the couch. I placed my head on her shoulder, and she wrapped an arm around me.

"You're such a cute cuddle bug," Heather whispered to me, squeezing me close. I sighed, enjoying her touch. We quietly watched the movie, only breaking the silence when Heather had a funny story to tell related to the movie. To be honest, I was barely watching. I was too overcome by her touch.

As the next hour and a half passed, I slowly cuddled up more and more with Heather. First, it was putting my arms around her, then moving my leg into her lap. Finally, she had to shift a bit, and laid back across the couch, her arms inviting me to lay next to her. I nestled my head just above her breast, my arms wrapping around her waist and one leg twisted between hers. She held me, gently stroking my hair as we both ignored the movie coming to an end.