Ma'am and Bear Ch. 09

Chapter 9

The clean lines of the kitchen registered upon Bear as he reflected upon his tidy up. The dishwasher was silently at work and all before him looked bright and smelled clean. Funny how deep the feeling of satisfaction was as he turned to find his way upstairs.

Thing was, as he sought to step away, he paused and retook a seat on one of the breakfast bar stools. As Bear sat there, he realised he had been caught in a whirlwind these last few days, and only now could he pause and judge the truth and consequences.

 Finally he smiled and arose but not to go upstairs but to place the coffeepot on the stove and brew another very excellent coffee. He looked occasionally towards the top of the stairs, expecting Ma'am to appear with directions on what was next and was surprised, when she did not.

The full action replay of the last twenty-four hours cascaded through his head, which he just kept shaking side to side as smiles came and went. The occasional frown and tilt of head was in there too, but mostly a self deprecating acceptance of this was the best thing that had ever happened to him.

Bear was on his second cup of coffee when he felt her presence at the top of the stairs. Dressed in an identical bath robe to the one on the chair beside him. He had picked up that bathrobe from the floor where Ma'am had left it, as part of her spectacular exit. Ma'am took a seat on the top step, watching him thoughtfully, and then broke the silence.

 "You done figuring out stuff?" She asked.

"Not really," was Bears reply, which he followed with,

"It's a lot to take in when you put it all on a plate in one sitting."

"I hear you," was Ma'am's reply, then adding, 

"Having second thoughts?" As she rested her chin on her knees sitting there on the top step.

"Always," Bear said, shrugging his shoulders, "but they mostly resolve into gratitude that I find myself here. You have found me. That fact is not lost upon me, at all. You have waited, plotted, conspired and finally ambushed me. Thereafter, in all truth, you have then dragged me back to your lair for dinner coffee and afters."

At this point Ma'am starting laughing and the scale and depth of her laughter grew until she lifted her head and shouted,

 "Guilty your Honour on all charges," and continued,

"You understand, Bear, this is a two-way street. You are not some trick or treat. Some dalliance to be moved on from by next month?"

Bear felt his heart sink as she used these words and, sensing this, Ma'am transfixed him with her intense gaze. Damn, she could be right in his face no matter what the distance.

"That thought scares your heart, doesn't it, my love?"

Bear, looking up at her, was lost for words. He tried for yes and after struggling a few times finally just dropped his eyes and looking down at the kitchen table in front of him nodding. But it did not stop there. He kept nodding first at the question and then at his internal response. Things went so deep as he continued to nod. His heart unraveling heaven and hell standing there like two doorways side by side.

 Finally, he could not take the screaming growth of insecurity any more and, lurching his head around, looked at Ma'am and said,

 "No please, let that be never true," and then just looked up at her, lost. The thought of such betrayal crushing his features as his body coiled downwards in response.

 As he continued to look at her so forlornly, Ma'am arose from her place on the stairs, then slowly came down and towards him.

 "Oh, be still my heart," she whispered to herself, as it was racing and then louder,

"Oh Bear, I love your insecurity in my regard and no, I will never move on, but you are never ever going to be sure of this. I will not permit you to become complacent regard of my love for you. And finally, dear Bear, you will always be here together with me on my terms. Me, my, and mine, and I will never let you forget this."

 Ma'am descended the stairs waiting till the bottom step before she finally spoke again, not breaking stride, and levelly speaking almost matter-of-factly.

 "I have your heart, don't I Bear?" she said, putting her head on one side, emphasising the question.

 "Dont answer, you can nod agreement, but in truth I am telling you how its is within you and you dear Bear are just agreeing to the all-encompassing truth of these things I am saying".

 Bear could only nod as she quietly approached him and stopped a few feet away, leaving him looking up into her eyes.

"The thought of not having me in your heart chills you to the bone, doesn't it? You run cold, don't you?

 Bear, being lost to his self honesty, could do nothing but nod as his heart was lay bare before him and fully open to Ma'am's regard.  

"You can never go back to how things were. You need me like your next breath when drowning and it's best you firmly accept this."

 "Do you know I love you, Bear? Love you with all my heart and have done for many years."

 Bear could only look at her and slowly shake his head. A look of sorrow in his eyes, as he just could not see that being so. Too many women, too many relationships, too many promises broken.

The slap when it landed almost took his head off. He had to grab the table to stay seated. The fire in Ma'am's eyes was truly frightening.

"Don't you ever dare doubt me again," she fairly screamed into his face.

Bear was so stunned he did not even try to avoid the second slap that, when thought upon later, must have been a back hander.

The pain was there, but the shock just shattered his disbelief. Looking into her eyes, the utter conviction of her knowing her love for him, then the cascade of little realities that tore into his disbelief left him empty, lost and without support. The source of this fear and insecurity was his loving her. Nothing else mattered.

That thought, loud and all-encompassing, translated to action and before he could think again, he spoke this simple truth.

"Yes, I love you, Ma'am and I always will, but I'm useless at loving. I always fuck it up and in the end, you will leave me."

 This time, he fell off the stool when she struck.

 "Don't you ever tell me what I will or will not do again."

 Now on his knees, Bear was left looking up at her, dazed.

Ma'am continued,

 "Love is easy to say, but in truth, it's work. You best understand you need me and in response, I want you. I love you, is easy but I will take you needing me over this any day of the week. And you. You accept I want you just plain simple want and that want explodes when you need me. Love is mixed in with both, but I trust need and after that, I want much more."

 Ma'am paused, looking up at the ceiling, then refocused on Bear.

"You understand your need for me, don't you?"

Bear reran this thought of Ma'am moving on and cringed at this own growing dependence.

Ma'am, looking within him, saw the cringe and answered,

"Good, and don't you forget it."

Bear could only shake his head. The emotional contentment of these many revelations was just visceral.

"Please don't leave me," he finally whispered.

 "Never stop needing me, Bear," was all Ma'am replied.

 "Never" Bear whispered.

 "Then I can never leave you, Bear," Ma'am promised.  

 Bear rose to his feet, sat back on the stool, then drew Ma'am into his arms. Sitting, he was at her height and he pushed his face into her neck as though he was trying to get inside her. His face was slick with tears and Ma'am liked the feelings that arose within her in response to Bear accepting his need of her and adjusting to her role in his life.

Finally, she drew him out in front of her and looked deeply into his eyes. She let a few breaths go by before breaking the silence.

"You're mine, Bear, and this need within, that is touching you so strongly now, is your soul telling you how things must be. You're safe with me, Bear."

 Upon hearing this, tears flowed from Bear's eyes. No sobbing, just tears rolling down his cheeks. At this, Ma'am smiled.

"You are a keeper, Bear, and securely held by me. Don't you worry about me letting you go, worry more about how tight I will squeeze as I want you so much."

 At this, Bear smiled, and Ma'am liked the growing twinkle in his eyes.

"Now though we have places to go and things to buy."

With that, she disengaged, walked across the kitchen, and headed upstairs.