Sunday Bloody Sunday

Mother, at 40, I live with my 3 monkeys that call me Mamma and my in laws (grandmother, grandfather and father of my monkeys) in a house having a reasonably well known and coveted address in Calcutta.

We have a 24 hour house help aged about 26-27 who helps me with everything I need

This is the story of a Sunday.

One Sunday.

One bloody Sunday.

Am breaking the chronology here but I don't want to miss out on my memories if I write this a few months from now.

Sundays I keep exclusively for myself, almost right after I came to stay here in this house.

My home runs on my planning now and since I take pains to see that everyone's needs get priority over mine, no one generally asks me for anything on a Sunday and am free to do whatever I like to with my time.

Some Sundays I just relax as long as I can, enjoying my two bed teas, four to five cigarettes and breakfast between my naps, spending another sleepy hour with my massage girl, picking up a book, fiddling with the to remote, spend an hour in the bath tub and in general doing nothing but forgetting my daily world, fully.

Other Sundays, I drive to the local grocery supermarket to order whatever I need for the month and ask home delivery or go to Gariahat market to choose and buy whatever vegetables, meat and fish we need for the week.

This was a one Gariahat market Sunday, few weeks back.

I had, not sure why, dressed a bit more than usual that day, wearing a random printed black brown red yellow green on white base very low gsm crepe sari over a low cut yellow sleeveless blouse. I decided, undecided and finally chose not to wear bra or panties but since the sari had every chance to fall off from the shoulder, I rounded it over my back and tucked it in my petticoat, to avoid the possibility of being an undesired eye candy, should the sari slip.

I just added 6 pieces of gold bangles to my 24 hour wear sankha(**) (white bangle made of conch shells) and pola(**) ( red bangle made of coral), loha (iron bangle), dark Brown Matt lipstick, diamond nose and ear pins and my mangalsutra(gold and black bead necklace with gold locket worn by married Indian women) dangling in front, kohl in eyes, tiny brown bindi (coloured dot on forehead), a fine width cm of sindur(vermillion - red powder worn by married women in India) in the hair parting and I was ready.

I had finished my fish meat routine, leaving my shopping bag and was checking the fare offered by vegetable market vendors when I suddenly noticed him.

Ramenkaku (Ramen Uncle) is someone whom I met in that very market about 8 or 9 years ago. He was a tall, fair handsome man of about 45 then, always in white kurta pajama, leisurely doing his shopping and during one of those days, taught me how to choose the best fish and meat. He lived just behind the market in one of those old buildings with his wife and two children. His children since then have completed their studies and shifted out of town to their workplace and his wife passed away suddenly about six months ago. Since then, he lived alone in his home, tending to his business, more as a means to pass time than anything else.

Every time we met, he used to carry my bag to my car and then we used to stand in a small tea stall and chit chat over nothings. A few days, he had taken me to his home and we had tea there and I relaxed there for a few minutes and then came back home.

That day, when I looked at him from a distance and smiled, he did not smile back but winced. I gathered that something was wrong and rushed near him and asked "Ki hoyeche kaku (what happened uncle)?"

He didn't reply but just used his right hand to hold me on the open skin between my breasts and waist and just pointed towards his home.

I took the bag from his hand and we slowly started walking towards his home. While walking, I felt his fingers sometimes touching my breasts for a few seconds but I ignored that. I was sure he was not purposely feeling my breasts and it was unintentional.

We slowly reached his home, opened the lock and walked to the drawing room where I made him sit on the sofa and found him quite distraught and shivering and brought him a glass of water from his kitchen. He slowly drank half the water and I stood waiting in that bent position to take the glass back. But while handing over the glass back to me, he inadvertently missed my hand with his shaking hands and the water spilled on my sari.

He looked at me with vacant eyes and started crying.

I do not know why I did what I did but pulled his head softly on my body and held it while he cried. Since I was standing a bit bent and he was sitting, his nose and lips landed around my naval area and his head pressed my breasts. My skin was getting wet and I was feeling odd standing bent like that and so while holding him like that, I slowly held him sat beside him. What happened as a result was that by doing so, my sari end tucked in my petticoat came out and the sari from my shoulder fell exposing my breasts fully. With water splashed on my sari by then having wetted my blouse fully, my breasts, my nipples and areolas started to get clearly visible as the yellow fabric became completely transparent. When I had sat, his head automatically rose from my naval and his nose was now fully on the open central cleavage of my breasts and his crying was making the blouse more and wet and the blouse fully transparent.

I realised these much later, maybe even after I reached home and reflected. My immediate attention was then to somehow make him a bit stable and go back home but as soon as he had his nose on my cleavage, he held me tightly pushing his nose and lips rubbing deeper into my cleavage and I could now clearly feel his lips on my left areola and felt that more and more of that breast was getting fully exposed to his lips by his constant rubbing and at some point in a few seconds I could hear him call out "Oh Sudha, you are back" and start biting my left nipple. His left hand rose fast and took hold of my right boob and he started mauling it hard over my blouse while biting my left nipple continuously mumbling "Sudha Sudha" again and again.

Sudha, I knew, was his dead wife's name.

All this happened in a few seconds and while I felt the pain of his teeth biting my nipple, I was not being able to understand what is happening to me. By the time I realised what was happening, he had taken both my breasts out of the blouse and pushed me down on the sofa under him, my hands under my body and folded both breasts together bringing my nipples close and was eating them together. Eating is the word as he was munching them together as one does while eating.

I started screaming and he left mauling my boob and held my mouth and said "Shut Up Sudha, don't start your tantrums as soon as you are back. We have enough time left for that." I tried to bite his hands but he was too clever for that and my teeth could not reach his skin.

I was feeling so helpless that I started crying while I felt my sari being pulled out of my petticoat. Realising he will fuck me, rather rape me, I tried my best to throw my legs and protest, throw him off my body but he was too powerful and nothing worked. Rather, he said very sternly "Sudha, again you started throwing your tantrums - want me to tear off your clothes fully like last time we fucked?" and started pulling my blouse leaving my petticoat. I shook my head like mad trying to say "NO" but felt one hook of my blouse being torn off under my breasts. He just then raised his eyes as if to ask if I want my blouse to be torn off fully and I violently shook my head saying no. I then felt him opening the blouse hooks one by one and opening the blouse completely from the front.

Lying topless under him, I felt him biting my breasts and trying to open my petticoat knot but he was unable to do it with one hand as he was holding my mouth with the other. He looked at me sternly and said "Sudha, why are you being so difficult with me today? You were not like this when you went away. Please, I just want to be closer to you. You are now forcing me to tear off your petticoat" and pushed his hand in the triangular opening in the petticoat cloth where I tie the knot and started tearing it off.

I suddenly realised that it is pointless for me to try to stop the inevitable anymore. I didn't have the capacity to stop his assault and I had already lost to his brute force completely. I knew at that very moment that I will be raped today come what may and the best would be to cooperate with him so that at least he will not tear off all my clothes and I will have something to wear to my car if and when he allows me to go. I just somehow took my hands out from under my body where he had forced them and held his hand that was tearing my petticoat, opened the knot and pushed the petticoat down as far as I could. He smiled and said "That's like you, my love. This is the Sudha that I married" and pushed to petticoat fully down and threw it far off. He lifted my topside and pulled out the blouse I was wearing and threw it away. I just made my mind go blank and awaited the inevitable while I felt him lifting me and carrying me inside and throwing me on his bed.

I closed my eyes and felt him licking my face over and over again roughly pressing my breasts and at some point I felt him holding my mangalsutra and saying "What is this Sudha? I didn't buy you this. Whose mangalsutra are you wearing?" He started pulling it to tear it off. (**) Something rang inside me and I held his hand with both hands and screamed "Do whatever you want with me. Whatever. I promise I will not say a word. I will not try to stop you. Please don't touch this. Please leave this alone. " I don't know what came over him, he left my mangalsutra alone and again started to lick my face hard. I felt him licking my lips and saying "When did you buy this colour Sudha? Don't remember you wearing this before." I felt like crying out loud but somehow stopped myself.

It's not that I was a virgin or that I had not been fucked by anyone other than my husband. It wasn't even that I was not forced ever by any man before and fucked, sometimes more than once. I don't know how to explain this but somehow it was not about the bites and the rape I was going to face anytime. Somewhere down the line, I felt cheated, betrayed. My trust was being betrayed by a man who was only a few years younger to my father or my mother in law. I trusted him completely over the years and used to look forward to meet him every Sunday. That betrayal hurt me most, it was tearing my heart and tears started rolling out of my eyes and I hated myself even more when I felt him licking those tears up and chuckling. I bit my lips and closed my eyes hard to prepare myself for the worst.

I felt his hands grab my breasts again and on that signal opened my legs fully and searched for his penis. He suddenly turned me upside down, made me kneel on the bed on my knees and spanked my ass, hard.

Again.

Again.

Again.

Again.

The last two were directly on my pussy and I don't know how I withstood that pain.

I bit my lips hard and tried to withstand the pain and felt his penis at my pussy hole trying to hit and enter. Every time it touched, my pussy burning with pain got another jolt. The pain on my pussy was becoming unbearable and I somehow gathered the courage, held my hands out and held his penis and directed the tip right on my pussyhole and felt a tiny, very tiny and thin rod in my hand which then entered my pussy. It was hardly 3 or 4 inches long and at best three fourth of an inch thick. Just that it was hard and if I had been fucked at home in the past week, I would not have even felt it enter.

My pussy was dry, fully dry, even after all this licking and boobing and I was somehow thankful in a way that his was not a thick and long one raping me dry.

I suddenly realized another truth - this man had nothing to be proud of and can only force weaker women into submission by force. He could not make me one drop wet with all his works for the past 30 minutes.

In so much pain and humiliation that I was facing, I somehow felt like laughing out aloud but didn't dare. I just wanted my ignominy to end, somehow, sooner the better.

I could feel he was mauling my breasts/ pulling my nipples bending completely on me, trying to touch his penis on my clit every time he entered and felt my body start betraying me after all this time. Maybe if I was fucked in between it would be different, but I wasn't for almost ten days now and I was slowly but surely getting wet from inside by this constant clit rubbing and I was sure the bastard knew it as he was now fucking my pussy and somehow every time rubbing my clit both ways. I pushed my face in the dirty pillow lying in front of me, bit my lips hard with my teeth and screamed silently "No. No. Don't do this to me. I hate being raped and don't want to enjoy" but my body kept betraying me, over and over again.

In all this, I heard him saying "Sudha, shall I release inside you? You won't get pregnant, na?"

I somehow replied "Whatever."

He kept fucking me and I went over the top and somehow stopped myself from expressing out my orgasm beyond moaning softly but he went on and on, now holding my waist, fucking me continuously and a second orgasm erupted, this time violent and I could not control myself any longer and screamed out "Ahhh." I instantly hated myself for saying it out aloud but I could not stop myself.

My juices came out like a fountain like it usually does and washed his penis fully and poured through my pussy and made my pussy hair wet and started rolling down my thigh, and finally dropping on the bed after making my knees wet. I suddenly felt very weak and felt my knees give way but could do nothing more as he was holding my waist firmly with both hands and going on and on.

Suddenly, he took his penis out, turned me around and made me lie on his bed on my back and shouted "Open your eyes, Sudha" and started pouring loads on my hair then filling my face, my breasts and dropping some on my naval area in four or five jerks and then stood panting. I again hated myself for allowing him to make me so dirty but was glad that I do not have to take his semen on me anymore.

He went away then, possibly to wash himself, while I lied like that, raped, weak, destroyed and completely exhausted having no power left to even get up. I was feeling angry, in fact was mad and wanted to bite and scratch him but could do nothing. I tried to push up but had no power left in me to even move.

With effort, I got up somehow and looked for my clothes which were thrown all over the room but I didn't know if I could walk, collect and wear them back as too much had happened with me in the past about 30 minutes and nothing was making any sense to me anymore.

Suddenly, I saw he was back, fully nude with his two inch long thin black penis washed and dripping and said "Sudha, you enjoyed na? How about I make love to you again? Get me hard."

My mind didn't work anymore. I just held his penis and tried to masturbate him to make it hard again as he ordered but somehow after trying for some time, those two inches remained two inches in my hand and didn't grow at all. Frustrated, I started crying again and looked at his face and saw him amused.

He said "Don't worry Sudha, I can understand that you are frustrated that I cannot get hard so soon. I promise I will fuck you in the afternoon. Go clean yourself, get dressed and make some coffee."

I somehow pushed myself up and went on collecting my clothes and wore the half torn petticoat. I was fully visible from my waist to my knees but had to wear it as I needed it to wear my sari.

Somehow I wore my blouse and hooked the last two hooks under my breasts while the other two were torn off and were useless. My breasts were almost fully open in front with more than half of both spilling out of my blouse but this was the best possible cover I could manage with whatever I had.

I was tucking my sari in my petticoat and had started wearing it when the bell rang. I rushed fast somehow wearing it and opened the door before he could stop me. A woman, who looked like a maid, of about 50 years of age, entered and asked me who I was. I had no intention or strength to get into any conversation with anyone then and just picked my purse and slowly walked out. He neither tried to stop me nor spoke to me.

Walking out, on the lane the house was in, I looked around, didn't see anyone particularly noticing me and put the sari on my head covering my hair and started walking slowly towards my car. My thighs, my ass, my pussy, my breasts were in blistering pain but I knew just one thing. I have to get away from him as soon as I can and to a place where I am safe.

I somehow reached my car, opened the door and sat on the driver's seat, locked the door and turned on the AC at full blast. It's only then that I saw myself in the rear view mirror. I have never looked worse in my life. All my makeup, my bindi, my sindur and lipstick were gone and anyone who saw would know what happened with me. I just didn't know how I could go home like this. I thought quite a few times about going to the police station but somehow restrained myself, knowing if I did that, my family would have to be involved and there would be a lot of ill words about me in the society, maybe reach the news with my name as another raped woman and I was not sure if I could afford to bring more trouble on my family at this point especially with my husband not in town.

I called my father and was told that both were on their way to a relative's home outside the city and asked me if there was anything urgent. I thought for a few seconds and said I am on my way to my father's house and just wanted to inform them. He said he will ask our full time servant to attend to anything I need.

Upon reaching, I covered my face and body almost fully and rushed inside and went straight to my parent's room and locked it. I disrobed and inspected myself. I looked raped and used with semen on my face and body with light scratch marks on my face and lips and knew that I have to somehow cover up all marks, particularly on my face and get freshened up to the extent possible.

I had a long bath, cleaning all stains that I carried thoroughly, cleaned my pussy again and again and covered myself in a towel and went to my room.

There, I dried my hair, chose a pair of black jeans and collared black T shirt, put the collar up, wore a normal black bra and panties, put a layer of foundation on my face to cover the marks, used a deep blue eyeliner and crimson lipstick, wore a big red sindur bindi on my forehead and a thick long layer of sindur in my hair parting, put my sari and torn blouse and petticoat in a plastic bag and left for my home.

** Bengali Hindu married women believe that wearing sankha, pola, mangalsutra / sindur is basically for the welfare of their husbands and therefore removing them is considered an ill omen. They are removed only if she unfortunately becomes a widow.