The A.V. Club - Ch. 15

A Novel by J.K. Ermon (jokermon)

Chapter Fifteen: The Fotomat Kid

This is a work of erotic fantasy fiction for the entertainment of adults only. Everything in this story is imaginary and is not meant to represent any real-life people, events, or medical conditions. It contains explicit futanari (hermaphrodite) content. If that's not your thing, or if reading this type of material is unlawful where you reside, don't read it. All characters in sexual situations are 18 years of age or older, even if it seems otherwise for dramatic or narrative purposes. Please enjoy this story responsibly and do not repost without permission. This story is copyright©2016 J.K. Ermon.

~~~

At breakfast Tuesday morning, the phone and the doorbell both rang at the same time.

My family and I all traded startled looks around the table. My Mom and I were the first ones to our feet.

Jesus. I thought again: Never rains but it pours.

I picked up the phone. I figured that was safer. At this hour, the doorbell was probably just the postman needing a signature.

"Hello?"

"Bobby?" It was Emily. Her voice had an urgent tone. "Marianne just phoned me. She had another growth spurt last night, a big one. She isn't taking it well."

"Wait...what happened?"

"Well, she got taller, and--"

"Where is he?"

It was Marianne's voice. It was so out-of-place ringing through the front hall of my house that I almost didn't recognize it at first. I hadn't heard her sound that upset since the night at Denny's. She sounded frenzied.

What the fuck?

I heard my mother say, "Now just a minute, you..." and then angry footfalls approached us through the hallway. I was dimly aware of my father and my sister jumping up from their chairs.

"She sounded a little crazy," Emily was saying in my ear. "I think she might..."

Marianne Fleischmann burst into my family's breakfast nook dressed in a man's gray-and-white striped bathrobe and pink bunny slippers. Her brown eyes were wide and wild.

The first thing I thought was that Emily was right. She had definitely gotten taller. She was at least five-eight now.

There were other changes. Her weight redistribution had sculpted her face into that of a European fashion model. Her prominent nose and newly-defined cheekbones now carried a regal, almost imperious beauty. Her neck had grown swan-like and her formerly frizzy hair had become a mop of glossy curls.

Her bathrobe was bulky, but still, her greatly-enlarged bust pushed it well out in front. Her figure was quite evident through it. The new Marianne could only be described as Junoesque.

The instant she saw me, she flung up her arm and pointed like a prosecutor on Perry Mason.

"You!" she shrieked. "You, you...dickgirl-freak!"

"Oh dear," I heard Emily say in my ear.

"Look!" She unbelted her robe. "Just look what you and that...that hag-bred shiksa did to me!"

She whipped open her bathrobe. Underneath it, all she had on was a thigh-length powder-blue nightgown. It looked scandalously short, but then I realized it was about two sizes too small for her now. She'd outgrown it overnight. It clung to the dramatic in-sweep of her waist and turned her breasts into mountainous peaks. Her bustline was definitely fuller and more protuberant. Her nipples stuck through the fabric. The shift looked painted on her.

I gaped, speechless, and the rest of my family did likewise. Her new build reminded me of Pauline's, minus the penis.

My parents spluttered for a few moments. Then my dad said "What are you doing here?" and my mom said "Why aren't you dressed?" at the same time.

She ignored them. She shook her finger in my face. "You! You said this wouldn't happen! I believed you!"

"Young lady," my mother said, "where are your clothes?"

Marianne closed her robe and re-belted it. "None of my clothes fit any more! Because of your son and his shiksa girlfriend. I woke up this morning a big-titted fucking elephant!"

"Now just a moment," my dad said indignantly. "You can't come into my house half-naked, using that kind of language."

"What's a shiksa?" asked Alison.

The whole situation was spiraling out of control. I closed my eyes, drew a breath, and thought of dickgirls.

It was like a warm breeze rushed through me. It swept away all my agitation. Immediately I felt calm and in control. For a split second I had to focus on not getting an erection, but I achieved that with no problems, either.

I opened my eyes.

"Marianne," I said, and something about my voice made everybody stop and look at me. The sudden silence was startling.

"I'm sorry you're having a hard time adjusting." I spoke clearly and gently. "I'm sorry you're upset."

Marianne stared at me. Her lower lip trembled and then she burst into tears. I went to her and hugged her. She hugged me back and sobbed into my shoulder.

"I look like a joke," she bawled. "Like some cartoon bimbo."

"You don't," I whispered to her. "You look amazing."

She snuffled. "No one will ever take me seriously with these huge fucking tits."

"They will take you seriously," I said, stroking her back. "Because you will not let them do otherwise. You are too strong to let this impede you."

She bawled all the louder. My family was very quiet. I heard Emily's little voice buzzing from the dangling telephone handset.

I untangled an arm from Marianne's clinch and snagged the phone.

"It's me," I said. "I'm back."

"Hi Bobby. I take it...Marianne is there?"

"Yup."

"Ouch. Big mess?"

"You could say that."

She sighed. "Okay. Let me talk to her."

"Sure."

I held the phone out to Marianne. "It's for you."

Marianne snuffled and took the handset from me. "Hello?" Her expression became bitter. "Oh, it's you."

She paused, listening. Then she flared up. "Well, that's easy for you to say..."

She stopped. Emily was talking. Marianne drew a deep, frustrated breath.

"That's not the point," she said with an edge in her voice. "It's not like I asked for..."

She stopped again. Her cheeks abruptly reddened.

"I'm aware of that," she said in a lower, somewhat embarrassed voice. "And I know that you know perfectly well..."

She stopped as Emily interrupted again. All we could hear was the indecipherable hum of her voice from the handset. Marianne closed her eyes. When she opened them, she noticed me and my family all staring at her. She covered the mouthpiece with her hand.

"Excuse me," she told us pointedly. "This is a private conversation."

My family and I all looked at each other and then back at her. Her eyebrows shot up in a Well? expression.

We all cleared our throats and as one, filed out of the kitchen. We didn't know where else to go, so we all went into the living room and sat down. We were all silent for a minute. We all traded how did we get here? looks.

A few moments later, out of the blue, my sister asked, "Is this going to take long?"

"I don't know," my mother said. I'd never heard her sound so baffled in my life.

"My Sugar Frosted Flakes are getting soggy," Alison grumbled.

Another few moments of uncomfortable silence later, my mother spoke again.

"Bobby...what is going on here?"

She didn't just sound baffled now, she sounded spooked. "Did you get that girl in trouble?"

"No!" I said at once. As if, part of me thought sourly. She wouldn't even let me in that hole with a condom.

Telling the truth was not an option. My family was not ready to hear about Emily's dickgirl status or how it related to Marianne. I doubted they ever would be.

I tried my calming voice again. "It's not like that at all. Marianne's just going through some...big personal changes right now."

That seemed to do the trick, at least partially. The three of them sat back a little. The mood became a little more reflective.

"She seems to think," my dad ventured, "that you and your girlfriend are the author of these...changes."

I took a breath and steeled myself to lie my ass off.

"Emily's dad works in pharmaceuticals." This much was true. She'd told me that. "She got a hold of some new vitamins his company makes and shared them with me and Marianne." Oh, you lying liar.

"You took drugs?"

"Not drugs! Just...vitamins. Regular vitamins."

Vitamin J, I didn't say. Then I thought of something.

"I mean," I threw out casually, "you must have noticed how much healthier I've gotten in the last few weeks."

My parents traded looks. Apparently, they had indeed noticed that.

My dad said hesitantly, "That's because you took these...vitamins?"

"Maybe," I said. I shrugged. "Maybe I was just overdue for a growth spurt and the vitamins had nothing to do with it. Maybe the same is true of Marianne. I don't know."

Mom said, "She seems to think it was because of them."

Trying not to paint myself into a corner, I said, "They looked like normal vitamins."

Oh Jesus, I moaned inwardly. Please don't make me have to do any more improvising. I'm a terrible fibber. My poker face is worse than Pinocchio's.

"I'm sure what happened to Marianne is totally normal," I said, a little desperately. "I don't believe Emily's dad sells magic vitamins that make girls grow two inches overnight. But Marianne's a little...excitable."

I'm so sorry, Marianne, I thought. You deserve better.

"How do you know this girl, Bobby?" My mother asked. She'd gone from baffled to spooked and was now arriving at suspicious.

I shrugged. "I've known her since middle school. She goes to Grant High. Mark dated her once. She's one of Emily's friends."

"Why did she call you a dickgirl freak?" asked Alison.

"Alison Maribeth Halverson!" my mother snapped. "Language."

I shrugged again, straining for nonchalance. "It's just something girls say. It doesn't mean anything. They use words like that as an insult because they know it's hurtful."

"None of the girls at my school say it." Alison went to an all-girls Catholic school at my mother's insistence.

"Grant girls do," I said. "Believe me, they say a lot worse stuff, too."

"Such as?"

"That's...enough," my dad said with a pained look. "I think we've exhausted that line of inquiry."

"But what's a shiksa?"

I said, "It's a Jewish word for a non-Jewish woman. It's not complimentary."

Mom and Dad gave me surprised looks.

"What?" I said. "I've known Mark since kindergarten."

"All right," my dad said decisively. He got to his feet. "Fascinating as this has all been, my breakfast is getting cold, and I'm running late. I'm going to tell that girl she can finish her private conversation elsewhere."

Marianne chose that moment to appear in the living room doorway.

"Bobby," she said, "Emily would like to speak to you."

She seemed calmer now. She gave my family an embarrassed look and drew a deep breath. "I am...very, very sorry that I...just barged in like this." She glanced around. "You have a beautiful, if somewhat modest home."

"Thank you," my mother said faintly.

I took Marianne by the elbow and led her back to the kitchen.

"You know Emily's dad works for a pharmaceutical company?" I asked her quietly.

"She mentioned it," Marianne answered.

"Emily gave us some of their vitamins, and that's why you changed."

"What?"

"That's why you're so upset. You blame her for last night's growth spurt because she gave us some vitamins that her dad's company makes."

She looked at me. "That's the stupidest lie I've ever heard."

I took a breath. "Just go with it."

She rolled her eyes. "Fine. I'll be in my car. Tell Emily to make it quick."

She left the kitchen and I picked up the handset. "Hello?"

"Hi Bobby," Emily said. "Look, I calmed her down a bit, but we need your help."

"Sure. What do you need?"

"About three hundred and fifty dollars."

"...What?"

"She needs a whole new wardrobe, Bobby. And shoes, too. That ought to cover it."

"Jesus," I complained. "That's like, half what I paid for my car."

"Do you have a better solution?"

I wracked my scholarship-winning brain for a few seconds and came up empty. I sighed.

When my grandfather died, he left me seventeen hundred dollars. It wasn't a lot, but he didn't have much after his horse farm went bust. It was always supposed to go towards college, but the Klugel changed all that. The way my girlfriend expenses were piling up, however, I'd be lucky to have anything left by September.

"Okay. How are we doing this?"

Emily asked me, "Do you have a check book?"

"Yes."

"Write out five blank checks. Give them to Marianne. She and I will call in sick to school and go shopping in Cincinnati."

I sighed again, this one deeper. "Fine. Just...please don't bankrupt me."

"Cheer up," she said. She sounded warm and encouraging. Some of her everything's-gonna-be-fine hormones must have jumped through the phone line, because it actually did make me feel better.

~~~

After a start like that to the day, school was blessedly uneventful.

After the final bell, I went home for a shower, a quick change and a snack. Then I headed off to work. I allowed myself to believe the day's allotment of weirdness was spent. That lasted about halfway into my shift.

I recognized the big white campervan as soon as it pulled into Sears. It was the Doors groupies from the night before. Ruby and Connie's cheerful faces appeared in the driver-side window.

"Hellooo, Fotomat boy," they both called out with big smiles.

"Hey, you two," I said as I fished out the bulky envelope that contained their negatives and developed photos. Just for the hell of it, when I handed it up to them, I turned on the emergent charm.

Ruby blinked. "Whoa. Are you sure you aren't somebody famous?"

I shook my head. "How was the concert?"

Ruby laughed. "The show was great. Morrison showed his dick to the audience and everything. The only bummer was, we couldn't get backstage to party with the band."

"Place was like Fort Knox," complained Connie. She stared at me and shook her head. "Wow." She pronounced it in a drawn-out, stunned kind of way. "You're like, even more beautiful than I remember."

"Don't mind her," giggled Ruby. "She's a little high." Her cheeks were flushed and she ran a hand over them. Then she cupped a hand around her mouth and stage-whispered, "I am too."

"Do you want to party with us?" Connie asked me.

"Uh...sure," I said. On the inside, I was marveling, Holy cow, can it really be this easy?

As it turns out, it was. Easy, but not simple.

~~~

They parked the campervan a few spots over from the Hut and hopped out. In addition to her white crochet top, Ruby was wearing a miniskirt and a pair of kicky white knee-high go-go boots. Connie was barefoot in a red tube top and a tight pair of high-waisted bellbottom jeans.

They both looked great. Those outfits really showed off their figures. Ruby was svelte and Connie was buxom. I hurriedly locked up the Fotomat, put up the back in 15 minutes sign, and jogged out to meet them. A hard thing to do when you're sporting a nearly full erection.

"Wow," Ruby looked up at me as I approached. "You're a lot taller than you looked in that little shack."

She threw her arms around my neck, pulled my head down and kissed me. I tentatively opened my mouth and her tongue slid right in. She tasted of pot and alcohol.

Her sexuality hit me at once; it was a wild, exuberant force inside of her. I welcomed it with my own. It flared up at the contact with a dizzying flash.

"Ohh," she looked up at me with shining eyes. "You're a very good kisser."

"You too," I said dorkily. That brief brush got me almost as high as vitamin J. In that moment, I understood how this woman could jump in a camper with her best friend and follow a rock band across the country. She was a free spirit. Risk and adventure intoxicated her. She was like Claire and Pauline - she wasn't afraid to go after what she wanted, and didn't care what anyone else thought. The sheer guts she possessed was almost intimidating.

"Let me see," Connie said, and shouldered Ruby aside to embrace me. We kissed. There was another intoxicating flash. Her sexuality was just as powerful as her friend's, but deeper and steadier. In that moment, I understood she would follow her friend anywhere, willingly. She was loyal. Like me, she would always advise caution when necessary, but unlike me, she was as brave as Ruby. She was less reckless, but just as independent.

Connie pressed close, and my hard dick throbbed against her belly.

"Wow." She stepped back and they both looked down at the bulge in my pants. Ruby reached out and rubbed it.

"Oh, wow," she said. "This I've got to see."

I looked around. To my relief, the lot was deserted. The Sears had closed fifteen minutes earlier and by now all the employees had gone home. On Tuesday nights it was just me, the crickets and the odd Fotomat customer until closing at eight.

She unzipped me and I nearly swallowed my tongue. My arms twitched, but I couldn't bring myself to stop her. Connie laughed.

"Ruby, what are you doing?"

Ruby hauled out my hot penis into the cool night air.

Connie let out a hoot of incredulous laughter. "Oh, far out, man."

They both grabbed it at the same time. Ruby seized it just below the head, Connie around the roots. There was plenty of space between their hands.

"Oh wow," breathed Connie. "That's...way bigger than Morrison's."

Both their hands began moving on me. I don't think they consciously decided to do it - they just started stroking. I looked around again, a little desperately this time.

"I think," I said, "it might be better if we moved this party into the camper."

They both nodded, but didn't let go of my cock. They towed me across the parking lot to their vehicle.

~~~

The camper smelled of pot and tobacco smoke, beer and cosmetics. I got a little lightheaded at how quickly their clothes came off once we were inside.

It was dim in there. They didn't turn on any lights, and I got a vague impression of faux wood paneling, Formica surfaces, and deep, rust-colored shag carpeting. Then they were naked, and I was locked on that to the exclusion of all else.

My eyeballs careened between pale and brown skin, triangular swathes of pubic hair and bare breasts. Their smiles were bright and feral in the dark. My dick went steel-hard. I got naked too.

Connie slithered into my arms again. Her big breasts pressed my chest. They were about as big as Marianne's used to be, I reckoned, and I could feel how stiff her nipples were. Mine were equally hard. I kissed her while Ruby bent and pulled a few cans of beer out of a half-fridge set under a counter. The light came on as she opened it, briefly illuminating her face and her hanging, conical tits. Her flat belly was creased by her doubled-up posture and her big bush was just as red as the hair on her head. Then she shut it, plunging everything back into mystery.

Ruby opened the beers and pressed one into my hand. I took a deep swig. There was a snap of a lighter and I saw Connie's face in the flame as she lit up a joint. The tip glowed red as she drew in a lungful. Then, to my surprise, she pressed her lips to mine. She blew smoke into my mouth. I wasn't ready for it and began coughing.

The two of them laughed and patted me on the back.