The Atonement

Author's note: This fictional story occurs in the not-too-distant future but could conceivably happen today. Be aware! This story contains religious elements that may not sit well with all readers. If you find any part of the narrative offensive, I encourage you to stop reading. It is meant to be a titillating little tale and nothing more.

All characters in this story are 18 years of age or older.

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"For we know Him who said, 'Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,' says the Lord. And again, 'The Lord will judge His people.' It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God."

- Hebrews 10:30-31 (NKJV)

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

CHAPTER 1: THE JUDGEMENT

CHAPTER 2: THE WAIT

CHAPTER 3: THE ATONEMENT

CHAPTER 4: HEALING

EPILOGUE

THE ATONEMENT

CHAPTER 1: THE JUDGMENT

It was a Monday morning, and Grace Williams should have been in school. She should have been in math class, secretly passing notes with her friend, Marianne, and trying to keep from giggling.

Instead, she sat in an uncomfortable wooden chair in front of the empty desk, nervously waiting for the arrival of the Pastor. She couldn't even look at her mother, who was in a matching chair next to her. She wanted to blame her mother for this. If her mother had kept her mouth shut, they wouldn't be here today.

Deep down, she knew that this was all her fault; if she hadn't failed God, her parents, and herself, she wouldn't be awaiting judgment.

Grace's thoughts were interrupted by the creaking of the door behind her and the arrival of Elijah Parker, the ancient senior pastor of The Sacred Path Fellowship Church. Both Grace and her mom jumped to attention as the old man waddled to his much more comfortable seat behind the desk. Grace wanted to run from the room but instead, followed her mother's lead and sat back down.

Pastor Parker looked right at Grace but said nothing. She wondered if maybe he had the power to look into her soul. Could he see the desire that lived inside her? Could he feel the guilt that sat alongside that desire?

Finally, the old man spoke. He asked a question Grace had heard all her religious life. "Grace, how many of us are in this room today?"

She knew the answers to this trick question. "There are four, Pastor," she replied, her voice sounding shakier than she expected. "You, me, my mom, and God."

The Pastor gave a weak smile. One of his flock was answering properly. "Correct," he replied, "God is here with us; he hears everything we say; he sees everything we do -- Every day of our lives."

Grace gulped. The thought of God seeing her naked in bed with Bobbie Richards made her face turn red with embarrassment. This wasn't the first time she was embarrassed this week, and she suspected there would be worse to come.

Her thoughts were again interrupted by the Pastor. "Tell me of your sins, little girl."

Grace looked to the floor. She couldn't say it aloud. She stumbled, trying to find the appropriate words. She wanted to scream out that she had fucked a boy; she wanted to say that she loved it and it was the most satisfying point in her young life; that for the first time, she understood her body and its need to connect with another person. But instead, she looked to the floor and mumbled, "I had sexual relations, Pastor."

Her mother nudged her. "Look up, Grace," she whispered. She looked up at the Pastor but couldn't bring herself to repeat the words.

The old man was almost smiling. Grace wondered if perhaps he was imagining her naked. "Was the boy from our Parrish?" he asked.

"No, sir." She was happy about this. At least she wasn't getting someone else in trouble.

"And was this your first time?"

Now, she had to lie. She couldn't say in front of the Pastor that she had been with Bobby almost daily for the last two months and that she was hooked on his body.

"Yes sir, I had never done it before. This was the first time," she answered, her eyes returning to the floor and again being admonished by her mother. She felt the tears beginning to run down her cheeks.

Looking up, she saw her mother and the Pastor staring at her. Did Pastor Parker get word from God that she was lying?

Her mother spoke for the first time. "Pastor, I have just learned that Grace has been on birth control pills for almost three months.

Pastor Parker gasped. Birth control was controversial in his church. The purpose of sex was to have children, not to stop God from making them.

"Are you also a liar?" he asked loudly.

"I, um, uh, I have been doing it for a few months. Grace fell deep into her seat and thought about the last time she saw Bobbie Richards.

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It was the previous Friday afternoon when she thought she and Bobbie were alone in her house. The memory of her mother barging in on them was burned deep in her brain, as was Bobbie jumping out of bed and running out the door. Her last view of the boy was his bare bottom sticking out as he attempted to pull up his pants as he ran out of the room. He hadn't replied to any of her calls or texts since.

Up until today, that day had been the most embarrassing day of her life. After Bobbie had disappeared, her mother grabbed her by the ear and dragged her into her bedroom, not allowing her to stop to dress.

"Mom, let me go!" Grace screamed. "Please, let me go get some clothes. I will come back and talk to you. I promise."

Her mother sat down on the edge of the bed, leaving Grace standing in front of her. "No, you stand here and tell me what you think you are doing."

"Duh, Mom. I think it is pretty obvious."

"And what does God say about sex?"

Grace knew the answer to this. The words had been drilled into her head during multiple purity classes at the church. "Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and the sexually immoral," she repeated by rote.

"Correct, and God is judging you this very moment. I don't think He likes what He sees."

"Mom, may I get dressed?"

The question was ignored. "And how do we know you are not pregnant? Have you thought about that?"

Grace didn't want to go there, but she had no choice. This was when she told her mother about the birth control pills. Her mother seemed to be both angry and relieved. At least a new baby wouldn't be coming into the house.

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"So we are adding lying to your sins, Miss Williams." said the Pastor, interrupting her embarrassing memory. She felt her mother, Pastor Parker, and maybe even God staring and judging. Finally, the Pastor asked with a growl, "How many boys have you been with?"

"Oh, just the one!" She replied happily. It was a minor victory that she wouldn't be labeled as a whore.

But then the Pastor spoke again. "Miss Williams, your parents have tried to teach you about God"s plan for us. You have been through our church school program and know what God expects of you. And through all of this, you learned..." he paused for effect, and when he continued, his voice was raised. Grace had heard the Pastor's fire and brimstone sermons and braced herself. "...or should have learned that sexual activity is unacceptable outside of a church-blessed marriage. God knows what you have done, and he knows that you must atone for your sins," he yelled.

The word 'atone' struck fear into Grace's heart. She had been hoping that Pastor Parker would admonish her, and that would be that. But when he spoke that single word, Grace knew that there was more suffering to come.

Grace had been attending The Sacred Path Fellowship Church for as long as she could remember. Her family attended services every single Sunday. The only times she missed church was when she was sick or on a family vacation. She had witnessed many atonements over the years, and she knew that they had different levels. Now that the Pastor had used the "A" word, she could only hope for what they called a sitting atonement, where the sinner would sit in a black robe facing the congregation, and his or her sins would be publicly presented. The other option was what they called a full atonement. Grace couldn't bear to think about that.

Grace watched as Pastor Parker closed his eyes in prayer. His lips moved silently, and Grace assumed that he was filling God in on her infractions and waiting to get a message back about how she should be punished.

Finally, the Pastor opened his eyes and looked intensely at Grace. "Stand," he said with a force that almost pushed her to get feet. She stood up, trying to be strong, but her legs were shaking, and she felt like she might throw up.

"God believes that you must atone for your multiple sins of fornication. You were brought up well by your God-fearing parents, and yet you disobeyed them. Worse, you disobeyed the word of God and brought shame to the Church."

Grace tried to control her tears. She held her breath so as not to sob.

"Had you not lied to me and to God, you might have received a sitting atonement," he continued.

Grace gasped, knowing what was coming.

To remove the black marks from your heart and to cleanse your soul, you are to perform a full atonement at this Sunday's service." With that said, the Pastor rose and left the room.

Grace's legs gave out under her. She found herself leaning on Pastor Parker's desk. Sweat was beginning to form on her face, and the sobs she had been holding in appeared in full force. For an 18-year-old girl to be given a full atonement was a punishment too awful to imagine.

CHAPTER 2: THE WAIT

Grace's mother felt bad for her and didn't make her go to school after she met with the Pastor. She went straight to her room when she arrived home, lay down on her bed, and cried.

Grace was initially angry with her mother. Why had she called the Pastor? Why did she suggest that Grace was lying about how many times she had been with Bobbie? She knew the answers, of course, because she was so much like her mom. Her mother was raised in the same strict religious environment as she was. God was watching and judging both of them every minute of every day. Her mom had no choice; she did what she had to do.

As the afternoon wore on, Grace's thoughts turned to her upcoming atonement. Every time she tried to picture herself up on the Atonement Cross, she started to feel ill. At one point, she even ran to the bathroom, thinking she was going to throw up.

She didn't.

Grace thought about the many times she had witnessed people performing a full atonement. She remembered how her parents would rush her and her little brothers past them. How curious she had been. She thought about her ex-neighbor, Mr. Fisher, and how he hung from the cross with a sad face. She imagined how embarrassing it must have been to be utterly naked up there where everyone could see him

"What did he do wrong?" she had asked her parents after church that day.

They hesitated and debated, unsure of how to respond to the question. Finally, her father said, "He wasn't being very nice to his wife." Later, she overheard them discussing Mr. Fisher's infidelity. At the time, she didn't comprehend the significance of cheating. All she knew was that it was unacceptable in games and tests at school. Now, she understood the gravity of the situation.

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Grace's thoughts drifted to Daniel Bolton, a boy a few years her senior. In school, he had been a wrestler and still retained his muscular physique. Grace had harbored a serious crush on him for as long as she could remember, but he had never said a word to her. Grace regularly imagined Daniel laying on top of her when she was alone at night in her bed.

There was that Sunday, a day she would never forget. Grace and her family were walking up the sidewalk toward the church when suddenly there was Daniel up on the cross completely naked. Unlike others she had seen on the cross, Daniel did not look to be in pain, nor did he look embarrassed by his nudity. Every beautiful muscle in his arms and chest flexed as he held himself up. His feet pressed against the little shelf, causing his leg muscles to tighten. And above those legs, the most amazing penis sat quietly against an oversized sack.

The sight of him made Grace think that she was in bed having one of her many dreams. But this was real! Her mother took her by the arm and started pushing her along as she usually did when someone was up on the cross, but Grace couldn't help but notice that even her mother slowed a bit as they passed. Was her mother breathing a little heavier? Did she actually whisper, "Oh my," when they were right in front of him?

Sitting with her family in their usual pew, Grace couldn't stop thinking about Daniel. She turned and looked back at the open sanctuary doors. She couldn't see him, but the fact she knew his naked body was right there was giving her sensations that had never been so strong. She turned back and looked at her mother, and she wondered if her mom felt the same.

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Back in her room, Grace lay on her bed, and her hand slid down into her pants as she continued to recall that Sunday morning.

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She remembered being unable to sit still during the service. She mouthed the words of prayer and song, but her voice wouldn't appear. Finally, she had no choice. She had to see him again. Grace whispered to her mother that she had to use the bathroom and quietly snuck out the back.

She stood at the door for a moment. She thought about God always being with her and watching her every move. She knew she should turn back but then quietly said, "Sorry God. I gotta do this," and marched herself out the door.

A moment later, she found herself standing just a few feet away from him. The morning sun bathed him in a warm glow, causing her to squint as she took in his physique. When she looked up at his face, she noticed him staring down at her from his perch about three feet off the ground.

Grace gathered up all her nerves and took a step closer. As she began to examine his penis, she saw it twitch and start to grow. She gasped as it suddenly became rock-hard in front of her face.

She looked up at Daniel and saw him smiling. She wondered why he wasn't embarrassed by this. Then he spoke his first words ever to her. "You can touch it if you want."

Grace jumped back. Even though Daniel didn't seem embarrassed, she certainly was. She had never seen an adult penis before, and certainly not an erect one! He kept smiling at her, and she couldn't help herself. She looked around, suddenly aware that someone could be watching. Then she took a tentative step forward and slowly lifted her right hand. She didn't care if God was watching and judging her, she had to do it.

Her hand brushed against his cock, and she immediately felt it twitching. Then she became more courageous and placed her fingers around it pressing into his rock hard member. Grace felt her own body begin to tingle, and found herself blushing. This was too much! She turned and ran back into the sanctuary, where she sat breathlessly next to her mother.

Grace had her first real orgasm later that day, and it was that experience that told her she needed to have sex. While she would have loved to do it with Daniel, she knew he was out of her league. Also, it would be too embarrassing after seeing and touching him like that.

It was shortly after that she hooked up with Bobbie. He was in her class and was always coming on to her. The fact that she didn't go to church with him was a plus. Maybe God wouldn't notice her if she was with a pagan.

Getting him in bed was easier than she ever imagined. When he flirted with her, she smiled back. She made a point to give a little waive whenever she saw him for the next week. Soon after, she found herself behind the school, kissing him in a way that she had never done before, and a week later, she found herself naked with him in a cot in an old garage near his house.

Bobbie was no Daniel, but he gave her what she needed. They never had much of a relationship outside of sex, but Grace really didn't want more. When they were caught, and he ran out the door trying to cover his butt with his pants, she figured that she would probably never see him again.

And that was okay with her.

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After shivering through her second orgasm, imagining Daniel up in the cross, the image changed, and now she saw herself in his place. Her eyes snapped open at the thought of being there. She couldn't be as composed and collected as Daniel. She certainly wasn't as strong as Daniel. She had seen plenty of others up there, and most looked like they were miserable.

One time, when she had stayed late at church, she saw a man being taken down from the cross. He had to be held up as two men walked him to the Pastor's office. He was crying and breathing heavily. She wondered how she was going to hold up under this punishment. She told herself that she shouldn't even think about it. It was almost a week away.

But she couldn't stop thinking about it.

The following day at school, she was still preoccupied with her atonement. Her teachers repeatedly called her out for being distracted in class. She had intended to keep her secret, but that plan crumbled as soon as she spotted her friend Maryanne.

Marianne Hensley went to the same church and was sure to see her on Sunday. So, while she didn't want to tell others, Marianne could be trusted, and she needed to tell about it with someone. Marianne was also the only one of her friends that knew about her and Bobbie.

Marianne was shocked at Grace's news about getting caught with Bobbie and her upcoming punishment. "Oh my God," she cried way too loudly. Grace had to shush her so others wouldn't hear. "This is terrible. How are you going to go through this?"

"I guess I just am."

"I think I would just run away."

"You know as well as I do that we can't run away from God. And if I was to run away, I'd have to leave my family forever. I just can't do that."

"But you're going to be..." she stopped and looked around, then whispered, "Naked."

"Look," Grace responded, "just don't tell anybody. I don't want this getting around."

Marianne kept her word and stayed quiet, although it was such bad news that she wanted to tell someone. She tried her best to be supportive of Grace throughout the week. She went to her house every day after school and spent the night on Friday. "

On Saturday morning, when she left. She hugged her friend as hard as she could. "I promise. I won't look," she said as she went out the door. That made Grace laugh. It was the last time she would laugh for a good while.

Grace did not sleep on Saturday night. She cried. She prayed. She questioned God's role in her life. She lay on her bed until she could no longer stay there. She got up and paced around her room. All night, she felt her heart pounding. She thought about Daniel and how he had been so brave on the cross. She thought about how seeing him up there caused changes in her body that led her to Bobbie and how much she loved having sex with him. And now she was about to pay dearly for all this.

She tried to think of anything other than the next morning, but her thoughts kept coming back to her hanging on that big wooden cross.

When Grace's mother knocked on her door, she found Grace dressed and ready to go.

Grace fidgeted quietly in her seat as her mother drove her to the church. She had been instructed to arrive two hours before the church service so that she could be prepared for her atonement. Upon arrival, she was greeted warmly by a woman named Nancy, whom she had never met before. The woman first shooed off Grace's mom, telling her that Grace was an adult who had to do this on her own. Grace was pleased that she was directed to leave.